The doctor is in or diabetes update

It isn't that anyone has asked. Just that it's been a while and I need some therapy. And sometimes I fail completely in eating well or in checking my blood sugar numbers. The mental game of diabetes is improving, but not won. So here, is a question and answer session for your entertainment and for my accountability.

Q: So, Laura, how's the insulin.

A: I actually like insulin. It far more effective than the meds I was taking and I like being able to increase amounts as I see my numbers going up (like the week before my period). I don't mind the shots and have find traveling not to be difficult.

Q: So Laura, how are your numbers?
A: What numbers? I am terrible at checking my numbers. I tend to check a bunch of times in a week and then skip three weeks. I can easily remember to check first thing in the morning, but the two hours after a meal is rarely remembered.

Q: So Laura, how ARE your  numbers?
A: After three months on insulin my a1c (three month blood sugar average) was 6.8. That 's down almost a whole point from before which means my average has dropped from 190 to about 150. Good. Remember before breakfast should be around 100, and post meals under 140. So I am getting closer to the target. My before meals are great, almost too low, around 80. My after breakfast numbers are good too. I can never remember to check after lunch and the few after dinner readings I have done are too high, close to 180 unless I don't eat many carbs.


Q: Have you made any other changes?
A: Since Kassy started school I've been exercising five days a week for 40 minutes at least. I definitely favor strength and  flexibility work over cardio, so I need to push more at cardio, but this is the longest I've ever had a regular exercise plan (thanks exercise buddies). Also, I asked the doctor to take me off Januvia since it cost so much and she did.Now my monthly out-of-pocket med cost is down from $57 to $17.  That leaves me on Lantus (the insulin) and metformin.


Q: What's next?
I need to do a follow up with the dietitians but first need to check to see if my insurance will pay for more time. If not, that visit will wait until January. I see the doctor in February, but plan to be more disciplined in my number checking because I've told you lovely readers and you will ask me about it, I hope. When I have a better record I hope to fax the numbers to my doctor and ask her what she thinks. Personally, I suspect I need to add a short term insulin (Lantus is kind of like a slow release insulin that you take once a day) to lunch or dinner or maybe change kinds of once-a-day insulin. My numbers are too high after dinner and I am hungry all the time  even after eating my allowed carbs. I am not gaining weight (which I probably should) and suspect I  need to eat more. I wonder though, since my carb allowance is pretty typical for a diabetic, what do the people who are overweight eat? How can they possibly be feeling full?


There. The interview is over. Any more questions?

Diabetes Update

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. If I stop, when a room is quiet, that's what I hear. In my head, this sound has eclipsed diabetes on the worry scale. Every waking moment of the day---EEEEEEEEE. If I don't think about it, it's tolerable. Problem is, I told my doctor, who sent me to the ENT, who tested my hearing. He told me what I already knew. Tinnitus. They don't know what causes the ringing because it comes from a part of the ear so deep in my head that they can't get it to safely. There is no remedy and no apparent cause. And as long as it is steady and in both ears, which it is, there nothing to worry about as long as I can stay sane.

For me, it's caused some significant hearing lose. I notice it whenever there the room is full of people or whenever the girls try talking to me from the back of the car. I say,"What?" all the time. And it didn't bother me so much until I saw the ENT. Now I think about it too much. Thirty-three is young for hearing loss. What if it gets worse? Another test. Another chance to say, "Lord I will trust you through this, no matter what." I might add, "Please don't let me go crazy."

But you, my dear friends, have walked this path with me for over six months, so you deserve a diabetes update. Insulin is good. My blood sugars are around 80 first thing in the morning and haven't seen a number over 165 since I started the shots. I don't mind the shot, though I wonder at what point the mental game right before the needle goes in will end. There's always a pause, a moment where I think, ouch, this is crazy. Truthfully it doesn't even hurt--a paradigm that needs changing is all. Those needles are sooo tiny. A good prick with a sewing needle is far more painful.

My numbers are good. My emotions are steady. My eating is ok. It is a lot of work to count carbs : 45g of carbs for breakfast and lunch, 60 g for dinner, 15-30 g for snacks. What kind of carb is it? Because 15 g of juice carb is much riskier than 15 g of orange carb. I eat at too many potlucks, Bible studies, and picnics. It's a guessing game and I'm doing ok--not great. Diabetes might be the one disease where processed food with nutrition labels is a awesome. I should be more careful, plan ahead a bit more. And test more diligently. Always room for improvement.

But I can't wait for my next round of lab tests in August. Now this weekend, I'm off to Colorado for a wedding. My first trip through airport security with needles. Can't wait.

4 days of insulin

Chris, asked. And I can't ignore an invitation. When I arrived at the nurse's office for my education (let's call her the DE for diabetes educator) she asked me what kind of insulin and how much I was taking. I shrugged and said, " I thought I was here so you could tell me that." Apparently the doctor hadn't forwarded the information to the DE. She proceeded to talk to for a while about type 1.5, about diet, about all kinds of interesting things, but nothing that I came for.

Unable to stand the thought of wasting this meeting I finally said,"Maybe if you call the doctor we could find out what the scoop is on my insulin." It took her ten minutes to find my doctor in her system, but amazingly the got through and got her question answered in one short call. They never answer my questions that fast. So we got through all the training. Even though I've given myself shots before, I still cringed a bit at the idea. I definitely did played some mind games to keep my focus on what was important and to try and avoid the dreaded,"Poor me" syndrome.

I did learn useful things at that meeting besides the reminder on shots. She finally confirmed for me that prior to my period, my hormones cause my blood sugar to raise (and to think of all this time of the month would cause me because I didn't know why my period would cause skyrocketing blood sugar). I have a better, more informed understanding of the meds I take and have taken. I learned, that normally after a meal as your blood sugar starts to come down the liver will start making sugar to keep you from having lows. I honestly thought diabetes was all about the pancreas and the insulin. I didn't know the liver plays a part. I still have some questions to ask, because now that I am home, I can't put all the pieces together. Maybe when I understand, I'll explain it you.

I do like working with RNs, meeting are usually at an hour long, and they are so personal and friendly. You can't get a doctor to personally return a phone call much less spend an hour discussing your health with you. Plus I had to fill out a really long questionnaire about my health and diet. It's a pain, but so worth the time. I've done these questionnaires at least 6 times. But recording what you eat and the exact amount is so informative and for me, motivating. I wish you could do it and then go to the nutritionist too--you'd learn so much. My appointment with the nutritionist is tomorrow. I do tend to eat better when I have to write down each morsel so to balance it out, I've learned to write in some of the no-nos (you know the M&Ms or the diet pop)I eat if I eat perfectly for a day. I want a plan I can live with. No more diets with unsweetened ketchsup and zero pasta for me.

After being at the DE, I suspected the doctor had also failed to call the insulin into the pharmacy. So I called her office and made the request. I went and picked up the insulin, but the doctor forgot to call in a prescription for the needles. So I had to go home and call again. By this time, I was irritated. Why do I have to everything myself? When I went to pick up the needles, they were out of the size my doctor ordered. I literally collapses with a loud groan on the counter. The pharmacist had anticipated this (I've seen her a lot lately so she's familiar with my talkative nature) and had called my doctor and gotten permission for the shorter needles. And actually these make more sense for me as there isn't too much fat tissue the needle needs to penetrate.

I still need to sit down with the doctor and the pharmacist though. While my numbers on this insulin are nothing short of beautiful my monthly pharmacy bill has shot up from $11 three months ago to $105, even with good insurance. The doctor prescribed an insulin pen and I wonder if make my own shots if I can get the cost down. I still take two oral meds and one of them isn't available in generic form yet .(Greta--do you still read this blog? how long before a medicine goes generic?)

I take a long lasting insulin called Lantis so I only administer one shot right before bed. I don't really need the convenience of a pen at that point of the day.
Now with insulin I do have to count my carbs more closely. Before I only made sure I didn't eat too many carbs. I never experienced lows. But now, to control my sugars, I need insulin. Insulin can create some lows. A couple times in the last few days I haven't eaten enough carbs. And then the strange woozy feeling and the shaking starts. It's scared me to the point of not allowing myself to sleep until Tom gets home, but I know the feeling now. And I know what to do---eat!

I try to remember to be thankful. Diabetes a century ago was a death sentence. Even though I wish I could just eat and not think so hard about what I ingest, this disease is partially under my control (Gotta love the irony since part of what I've learned being diabetic is how to trust God when I am not in control). I've also learned that in the world of disease, you have to fight for yourself. Much of the medical field is so busy getting through the appointments that they don't pay close attention to the non-urgent details.

Diabetes update

I haven't started my insulin yet. The wheels of medicine grind slowly around here. I do have appointments with the diabetes educator and the nutritionist, but not until late next week. I've been through much of this before and am anxious for the reminders and to see how the education compares. And I have a bunch of questions. For now, I am still ordering and paying for oral medications, calling my doctor regularly because my numbers are too high and waiting. I feel calmer this week--more able to handle the uncertain numbers and resigned that even with insulin I think my medication needs will constantly change until my pancreas ceases to produce any insulin.

For a while, with each new medicine or increase, I had hoped to find a stable ground. I wanted to be able to say, Yes with these meds, I can eat oatmeal and strawberries for breakfast, a bean burrito for lunch, and half a baked potato with grilled chicken, veggies, and a muffin for dinner and know with certainty that my numbers would be ok. Right now I know such things for maybe two weeks, and then my body changes and everything I know has to be adjusted. But certainty is a luxury. And I think my burdensome sadness last week came from the insulin. Going on insulin was an admission that the meds weren't working, weren't providing a sustainable way of life. And I like our children with their friends, I wanted to be like other diabetics I know, who do have consistency. But consistency doesn't build faith. Time to keep building. Thanks for everyone's sweet words.

Diabetes, Type 1.5

Did you read my last diabetes post? No one responded so maybe it was missed. It was characterized by a sense of peace. It ended with these two sentences, "And if, in the near or far future, you know I am sinking into the depths about this disease, that for me defies all the stats and won't behave as it should, remind me relentlessly about who is in control. Because I know. I know." I think I need those reminders now.

I thought I might have a bit more time. That the acceptance might last longer. I wouldn't say it has disappeared, but a new emotional battle is rising and falling within me. I still have joy, but my emotions are fighting against my faith.

I went to my doctor on Friday. It was a good visit--one where my research and knowledge paid off, where the doctor listened to me. She even said it was a pleasure to talk to someone who actually reads about her condition (what a sad statement about her usual patients). She called my case special (Finally, someone noticed). Prior to the visit I had already diagnosed myself. I think I have LADA (Latent Autoimmune Diabetes in Adults). Sometimes it is called diabetes type 1.5 because its characteristics fall between Type 1 (no insulin production, diagnosed usually before 25), and type 2 (insulin resistance, weight issues, diagnosed usually after age 40). Those with LADA are usually in their 30's, have a small bmi (body mass index), and no family history of diabetes. So for me that would be check, check, and check. Generally, LADA patients have some insulin production in the beginning and some success controlling their sugar numbers with medicine. Usually within five years or less of diagnosis, the LADA patients will need insulin. Most of them become type I diabetics.

My doctor was going to increase my meds. I pointed out to her that even when a med helps, usually within a month I need increased dosage or another med. I asked to go on insulin. Turns out, insulin is her med of choice, but most patients are sacred of it. It has no side effects because you are injecting human insulin, but I think its the word inject that scares people. I can give myself shots. I learned how when I was pregnant. So sometime soon, I will go through diabetic education again. This time, as a patient requiring insulin. I believe this is the best choice for me. I need a way to respond to my ever-changing insulin needs. And in the last two years, my pancreas has decreased insulin production (sounds like an economic figure). I can't remember the measurement unit, but a normal body (or a non-Type 1) produces between 0.9-4.4 units of insulin. In 2007, I was producing 2.9 units. Now I produce at the very bottom of the scale, 0.9 units.

I am excited in most senses to go on insulin. I am relieved to know that eating better or exercising more would not have stopped the progression of this disease. I have an autoimmune disease, like lupus, celiac, and rheumatoid arthritis. And the doctor said, "Autoimmune means we don't know why."

Here's the rub. Being a potential type I, or even a type 1.5, means that every meal, every snack is a thought process, a carb counting process. For a while, I thought we had found some medicines that would control this, that would allow me to be steady, to only prick my finger a few times a week. And for the rest of my life there is that machine recording my body's victories and its failures. And there is the possibility in the future of a pump, which brings health but also difficulties. I've read too much. I know the pitfalls. I'm not sure why this good treatment plan set me back emotionally so much. I'm not sure why I have returned to a place where I can't speak of this diseaes without tears. Diabetes is a generally a controllable disease. There are a few people who have lived with it for 80 yrs. "Don't let diabetes control you, don't let it set you back," they write. Ok, I won't. I will get to where you are dear 86-year-old type I woman. Diabetes isn't in control, food will not control my family. But today, dear friends, remind me of what I know. Who is in control? Today, I need to hear it.

Diabetes update

My numbers look good right now. Fasting has been between 90-120 and post meals are generally about 130-150. They are good. But I am taking three medicines ( to the tune of $65 a month with insurance) and actually think I am over- medicated because to keep from having lows I have to eat extra carbs. In some ways this is nice, like last night I was at a party and could indulge in some ice cream because the meal was low carb. My blood sugar reading after all the fun was only 141. Nice. The down side is I can indulge more, which isn't healthy. And I don't really need more food. Or maybe I do; I had disciplined myself to eat only about 30-40g of carbs per meal (just for fun, count your carbs for each of three meals in a day--how much do normal people who don't automatically count carbs eat in a typical meal?). And now I have to eat 60g and have to carry around fruit, or some kind of quick sugar like candy because I frequently forget to snack. I had stopped snacking much to keep my numbers from being so high. I have been eating more fruit though which I love. I don't know. I will go this Friday for my lab tests and actually go into the office on the 18th to talk with the doctor. I do like this weekly contact with the doctor. It makes checking my numbers purposeful. 

Sometimes I dream of not thinking about food. What if I could just go somewhere and eat whatever? Even if God healed my diabetes tomorrow, I don't think I will ever be that person again. I have learned too much. I have experienced too much conviction about eating well, about feeding those in my care well. I have experienced much pleasure in serving guests healthy meals and giving them ideas about new foods to try. Friends I have arrived. At least for this day and these circumstances. But I think I have come to a place of peace that will endure. I know that for my young age and my small stature, this diabetes is on the fast track to trouble. Growing old with such quickly worsening diabetes could be really hard. God could heal or not. It could be my burden to bear or my testimony of healing to share. Either way, I am at peace, knowing he will not give me more than I can handle 

I long to check my blood sugars less frequently so my fingers don't have little bruise marks on them. But through divine transformation,  I can look at this diabetes and know that God is in control. Diabetes may be a gift. A forced reliance on Him. A chance to release myself from feeling of failure when all things are not as they should be. A forced opportunity to eat well and someday, I swear, to develop a habit of exercise. That time is coming. For now, I've learned to empathize with the overweight person who can't eat well or the smoker who can't quit. I get those problems now. And I know, beyond doubt, that true change for them and for me, won't come from a determination within (maybe temporarily it will), but from Christ who promises to live within me because I placed my faith in him. 

And while I've said it before, I must release it again because it bubbles out each time I write these updates. Thank you for reading these updates and for encouraging me, God used you. And if, in the near or far future, you know I am sinking into the depths about this disease, that for me defies all the stats and won't behave as it should, remind me relentlessly about who is in control. Because I know. I know. 

You don't really need to see my numbers

It's Monday for you. I am writing this on Sunday due to the computer crisis at my house. So here's the lowdown. After a long, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday last week with numbers consistently above 190 (even fasting) and some over 300, I was relieved to fax my numbers to my doctor. I couldn't take it anymore. I was exhausted, unsure of what to eat, unable to function well as a patient mother and longing for a shot of insulin. The doctor increased my meds again. And now my numbers are not great, but they aren't so high that I can't function (in the 140-175 range). I swear I just need to go on insulin. But until such a time as the medical community agrees, I can function now. And I won't be posting numbers again unless I slip. While my numbers aren't great, my ability to cope with my diabetes, accept it for what it is, and not get angry at the little glucometer have increased tremendously. I think my mental health is much improved. Thank you for your encouragement dear friends. It was invaluable. And since I think my numbers are dull, and since I think they fuel the worry of my mom and grandma, I'll just do general updates from here on out. But if you see me, go ahead, ask. Say, "Hey Laura, what was your fasting today?"  

A Quickie

My computer has crashed with a virus. And T's efforts to fix it didn't work so well. Both kids are down with a fever. And how will I vent without a blog? I promise I have been taking my numbers, but they are awful. Last Wednesday my doctor changed my meds again, but my numbers are higher. I won't post them all today but my average fasting has been 180ish and my average after meals is 227, 275 if it is lunch. Such high numbers make me tired and weepy. I feel frustrated but not hopeless. I know where my hope lies and I know who is in control. 

Confusion, peace, and numbers

Beware of long windedness. It's been a whole week since I last blogged and my heart and mind are spilling forth. I will try to approach this spill with a napkin and dab at little bits at a time until it is all cleaned up. But the first napkin is always soaked. Some people blog for their friends and family. I blog for me (blog is a noun and verb now, right? Like Google?). And I am blessed that a few of you like to read what I write. To understand the story below, it will help to remember that ideal blood sugars are around 100 first thing in the morning (fasting) and between 120-160 two hours after a meal. High numbers around 400-500 might mean a person can't walk or even see. Low numbers around 50 might cause dizziness, exhaustion, or fainting.

Last Wednesday night I happily recorded all my blood sugars from the last two weeks on a spread sheet. I used the format the new doctor requested. Date, time, fasting in one column, post prandial in another. (Post prandial is a fancy medical term I just recalled meaning two hours after a meal). The idea that someone who could do something would look at my numbers, call me, and change things was refreshing. T took my sheet to work the next day and faxed them to the doctor. The nurse called on Friday. She said exactly what I expected. Increase the new medicine by 15 mg a day. I started the new amount on Friday morning and was excited to check my fasting numbers Sunday morning. My fastings had been running 140--how much lower would they be? The meter said 176. What? I washed my hands, sure that I must have sugar from the girls' cereal on my hands. I checked again. 172. What the...? I cried. Sometimes hope disappointed is more than I can handle with a straight face. To restore my spirits, I resorted to the childhood tactic of avoidance. I left the glucometer in the drawer for the rest of the day.

A few hours later T and I took the girls to the playplace at Burger King (deemed superior in fun to McD's). We made our obligatory purchase and sat down to watch the girls release energy. I am going to switch to present tense here so you get the full effect:

In walks an adorable five year old girl. She plops down, whips out her very own glucometer, pricks her finger, and checks her blood sugar. She frowns. I am staring. I can't stop. To make the staring seem friendly and not weird, I smile and say, "I have a glucometer too. Was your reading high?"

"409" she shrugs.

Hoping my eyes aren't the size of saucers as I wonder how she can still be walking, and resisting the urge to insist on a hand washing and a retest, I say, " Is that normal?"

"Usually they're like 58 or something."

Shrink eyes. Shrink. How can you act so normal? I wonder.
The girl's mom and brother walk in with the food. The mom doesn't look shocked at the number report but does ask a few questions to see if she can find the cause. The girl eats her lunch of french fries and chicken tenders (a high carb meal). Then her mom calculates the needed insulin. The girl stands up, anxious to play, pulls her shirt down to expose her shoulder. The insulin needle is injected and she laughs, saying "That didn't even hurt this time." I am staring. I feel like there is a rock in my stomach and I'm my stretching eyes in an effort to keep the gathering moisture at bay.

That girl's face is a new permanent memory. In retelling the story I still fight tears--the kind of tears that come as you watch someone you admire deal with something hard. The last few months of reporting my numbers to my new blog support group has strengthened my resolve to face diabetes. Books I have read, not about diabetes, but about not being anxious and about Amy Carmichael, a missionary in India, have reminded me that while confusing--my diabetes forces me to remember God. I am not in control. I am not supposed to be. I can't make my numbers do what I want them to. And because I know who is in control, I can rest. I don't need all the answers. Come what may, I will not be given more than I can handle. Life for me is no longer about finding answers, but about seeing the glory of God. I don't need to understand. I am a blessed child of God. Such thoughts crowded my mind for weeks prior to seeing this girl. And somehow this little girl, with her crazy blood sugar numbers and her quiet acquiescence strengthened the message the Lord has been giving me.

For God's new strength I am thankful. This morning as I checked my fasting number and it inexplicably read 206, I was at peace. I took a second reading: 196. I did a control test to see make certain the meter was functioning properly. It was. I will wait a day or two, get complete post prandial readings, and call my doctor.
Thanks for walking with me. Here are the readings I did take.
3/3 fasting 128
3/3 after dinner 170
3/4 after dinner 143
3/5 fasting 143
Increased medicine on 3/7
3/8 fasting 176
3/9 fasting 206

Lost lab work and numbers

Before I went to my new doctor two weeks ago, I stopped in my old doctor's office and asked for copies of the last 2.5 years of lab work. It took 15 minutes only and they handed me the copies. I leafed through them and said, "I'm no expert at reading these reports, but I don't think my most recent A1C is in here." The nurse checked. It wasn't there. And they couldn't find it. My urine report from my Jan tests was there, but that's all. They said they would check with doc and get back to me. So I went to my new doc without the latest info. But I distinctly remembering her saying my A1c was eight point something and that it had been too long since my cholestrol had been checked. She filled out the lab work to have it checked on the next go around.

The old doctor never called or anything. I forgot about the missing lab results. So Friday in the mail, copies of the latest lab work show up. It says my last A1C was 6.9 which is darn close to the magic 6.5 I am supposed to shoot for. And my cholesterol numbers were there. All lovely I might add. So I'm not sure what the doctor was looking at during my last office visit. But we are on to new and better doctors, I think. I'll fax the new lab reports with my numbers to the new doctor this Wednesday.

The numbers aren't great this week; but if you read last Monday's post I didn't expect them to be. I am guessing my medicine will get increased this week. The plus to these numbers is that the fasting number is more consistent and that is a good thing. A big goal for diabetics to keep blood sugars in a small range close to normal--no spikes, no dips. And while my numbers were lower before, they varied widely for fasting.

Thanks again for reading this. I still can't believe I have friends who read my medical stats faithfully. Love you all.

(Reminder: goal here is under 110 for a fasting and between 120-160 two hours after a meal)
2/24 fasting 152
2/24 after dinner 184
2/25 fasting 154
2/25 after dinner 161
2/26 after dinner 142
2/27 fasting 140
2/28 fasting 193 (then I washed my hands and got 143--must have been some sugar on there!)
2/28 after dinner 240
3/1 fasting 162
3/1 after dinner 122
3/2 fasting 149

It's Monday (again)

Growing up that fat, lasagna-eating cat named Garfield was really popular. He helped make Monday into a bad word with his comics. I've never minded Mondays really, starting a new week isn't bad thing. As I face my numbers though, and lack thereof, Monday isn't so exciting. But I am thankful for my dear friends who send reminders and bits of encouragement. Never before in my adult life have I really dealt with disease, and the emotions that barge their way into life because of disease are so surprising to me. So is the revelation that I am not as disciplined as I thought. Had I met someone like me before my diagnosis, I would have shook my head and thought, "What's the big deal? Just check your numbers, make the adjustments and move on." It should be so easy, but if you've been reading for long, you know it hasn't been. So thank you dear friends, for reading and checking these little updates; it encourages me tremendously to know you are walking with me.

So first, I met a new doctor on Wednesday. She changed my medicine again. She disliked the choices of my previous doctor. She wants me to check my numbers twice a day, and then fax them to her in two weeks. So now I am accountable to her and to you. I like having the doctor in on this gig. She took away the medicine that was causing the lows and added this new one at a low dosage, 15mg (low dose with a startlingly high price). She thinks I will need more but I guess starting at the lower dosages is proper procedure. So it might be a month or two before my numbers look good again. It's all a guessing game. She wants to run more lab tests, but the insurance won't pay for another round until April. So we will wait until April to check cholesterol and A1C again. She will also run a C-peptide.

What did I think of the new doctor? I won't know for a few months. She was kind, attentive, and not in a hurry. All that is true of my previous doctor too. The new doctor does seem more knowledgeable about diabetic drugs and more aggressive. She is alarmed at how quickly my numbers keep going up, especially since I am young and not overweight. I like that she is alarmed. I want someone, who knows the ins and outs of medicine to pay attention to such details. And she wanted to run the C-peptide, which is what I wanted. A C-peptide blood test measures how much insulin my pancreas is actually producing (I am awed by the amount of stuff they figure out from a blood sample). We both suspect that my pancreas is getting closer and closer to zero insulin production. I can't wait to go to the lab and get that test done!

Enough medical talk. Numbers--there aren't many. I was sick all week. My mom was here. H had a play. What can I say? If you are around me at dinner time and after, will you help me remember to check my numbers? And the ones that I do have, they appear determined to creep upwards.
2/18 fasting 149
*started new medicine morning of the 20th
2/20 fasting 153
2/20 before lunch 103 (felt funny, thought I would check)
2/21 fastng 164
2/22 fasting 136
2/23 fasting 160

Mondays and Numbers

Here's what usually happens on Mondays. Always I remember, it's Monday and I need to post numbers. Usually I lookover the numbers, feel guilty for not taking enough readings and try to slip in a few more throughout the day. If I do this and I postpone posting on this blog until after 2:30 pm, then the post doesn't happen. I get surrounded bythe responsibilities of motherhood in the form of food, homework, mediating, and winter clothing.

And honestly this was a bad week for numbers. I didn't check too many times last week because of a wait for test strips. The ease of not thinking about blood sugars, of trying to eat well but not checking sucked me in. I unconsciously tried to stay in that place of relaxation too long. I barely did any numbers this week and I have no good excuse. The return to the world of checkinf this week has been painful. Literally and emotionally. My fastings (first thing in the morning) are moving up again and I don't have an explanation. If I had been checking my post-dinner readings I might have a better clue, though in theory, my post-dinner reading should have little bearing on my early morning readings.

And on Sunday, my blood was stubborn and my meter was stubborn. It took, not one poke, not two but five pokes to finally get a reading. And then that reading was high. How I wished I could scream.

Here are my three readings. As a reminder early morning reading should be around 90, the lowest I've gotten has been in the 110 range. But these are a bit higher.

Tues 2/17 first thing in the morning 148
Mon 2/16 first thing in the morning 155
Sun 2/15 first thing in the morning 131

Thanks for walking this journey with me. I have an appointment with a new doctor on Wednesday.

Triumph (and numbers)

If left unchecked, my mind doesn't naturally flow toward worship, usually it flows toward self pity. I beat down my self pity this week and won though--thanks to some prayer and some reflection on traits I want my kids to have.

Two weeks ago at my MOPS group, they announced that instead of the usual breakfast fare, everyone would bring chocolate and we would indulge. My response to the announcement was not about the health of my friends, it was pity for myself. Did they forget I had diabetes? Why not just torture me? And on and on my brain raced. And then God stopped the rantings of my head. I don't want or expect people to change their habits for my health issues. I don't think everyone in my presence should give up the sweets they love to make me happy. And I want to be strong enough to go to a chocolate potluck and not feel bad about what I can't eat. Short of a miraculous healing, my diabetes is probably a lifelong disease. While food issues have made me acutely aware of the important role food plays in gatherings, I want to get over my pity parties and participate. The chocolate potluck was two weeks away; there was time.

I've been praying for months for more discipline and strength regarding my diabetes. Today was my first major victory. I remembered a chocolate cheesecake recipe in a diabetes recipe that I had wanted to make for my birthday last year. Time and self-pity kept me from making it. This week, I went to the store, ingredients for the cheesecake in hand. I bought all the ingredients, made the lovely cheesecake you see above and thoroughly enjoyed eating my 15g of carbs per slice cheesecake. Because I can safely eat 60g of carbs for breakfast, I picked a few other treats, guessing about their carb count and indulged, just like everyone else. I even packed a bag of almonds in my purse that I ate for the protein.

That pity party seems silly now. If I plan, I can enjoy some part of most meals. And the honest truth is that uncontrolled diabetes has serious consequences. It can even kill. And while I am young I might have a chance to alter the seriousness of this disease. While this disease is a big deal, I have some control over it. Thanks God, for the perspective and the victory. Forgive me for all the whining.

And dear Amanda, thank you for your reminder about Monday number posting. I am grateful you noticed. And without further ado, here are some numbers

2/7 before breakfast 121
2/8 before breakfast 132
2/9 before breakfast 118
2/9 after breakfast 150 (fig/flax waffles and half a grapefruit)
2/9 after lunch 114 (Amy's rice, bean, and cheese burrito--these are some of my favorite and I haven't ever checked after lunch to see how my body handles them....yea!)

There aren't many numbers to report as I ran out of test strips and had to wait for new ones...

Numbers

I hate February. I've usually had enough of winter by February and get angry at the snow and ice that won't stop. So this year I am trying a new approach, only 26 more days to March. And March is the beginning of birthday season at my house (and I love birthdays) and that's when I can start planting seeds indoors for later use in my precious garden. Only 26 days 'til March.
My numbers are a bit better this week, closer to the desired range. Still didn't get a lunch reading. Need to order more test strips...almost out...there might not be many numbers to report next week if I don't get more (have to mail order them in order for insurance to pay)

Sat 1/31 after dinner 124 (toast with PB, cheese and crackers, 1.2 grapefruit, 5 baby carrots, 1/2 cup of mac and cheese with tuna---a hodgepodge dinner)
Sat 1/31 fasting 112
Thurs 1/29 after dinner 91 (A naked tender wrap from Buffalo Bill's and chips)
Wed 1/28 after dinner 127 (can't remember and didn't write it down)
Wed 1/28 fasting 130
Tues 1/26 after dinner 120 (lentil and sausage soup, salad, salatines, apple)
Tues 1/26 fasting 106

Oh and if you have time, head over to my Food Expansion blog to vote about the grains you use. I really do want to know (Laurie T...did you vote?)

Monday

So..I went to the old doctor last week. For all my complaining, she does have a great manner. She makes me feel cared for; she is gentle; she remembers things about me. I just don't think she is aggressive enough with my diabetes. So my lab tests weren't great....the only diabetic alarm is my blood sugars. Urine, blood pressure, etc. are all good. But my A1C, which is a three month average of blood sugars (how can they figure this out?) continues to go up. It should be around 6.5. But mine was up to 8.6, from 7.2 last time, which surprised me. 8.6 is high for someone my age and of my build. So we upped one my meds and instead of waiting 6 months for my next A1C, we will only wait 3. But, this additional dosage of med may not last three months unless I can figure out how to eat. A goal for diabetics is to keep from having high and low blood sugar readings. Steady and regular is the goal. On my own, I never have low. But this increased medicine creates them. The goal is to keep my blood sugar around 90 first thing in the morning, and between 120-160 two hours after a meal. With this added dosage, I am having trouble keeping my blood sugar in the targeted range after dinner. You'll see what I mean. I know, and am a little thankful, that with this added dosage, I have to eat more carbs for dinner. But I haven't mastered this yet, and may need to call the doctor this week. Oh and in my world, fasting means before breakfast. Thanks for reading. I always suspect these Monday posts must be so boring for you.
1/26 fasting 106
1/25 after dinner 67 (ham, broccoli, applesauce)
1/25 fasting 149 (what?--totally different from other fasting since new med started)
1/24 after dinner 101 (grilled cheese, tomato soup)
1/24 fasting 127
1/22 after dinner 108 (rice noodles, curry chicken and veggies, cheese slices)
1/22 fasting 101
1/21 after dinner 57(can't remember)
side note: need more fruit!
Those numbers are lower, but many are dangerously low. Most healthy people never drop below 80. Ahhh, the balance of medicine. My goal this week is (I can't believe I am saying this) to eat more carbs at dinner so I don't feel like fainting or vomiting a few hours after eating and to actually take a reading or two after lunch. And if like my dear grandma, all this makes you worry, try not to. While my numbers are not in the healthy range, you see people on the sidewalks and in the stores everyday who would love to have these blood sugar numbers. Love you Gram, try not to worry.

Numbers

My new meter came this week. I love it as much as I could love anything that requires my blood and then spits bad news back at me. I knew you really wanted to see a picture of it. I didn't think it would be much different than my old meter, but it needs less blood and the poker has lower settings which don't hurt as much. It also does a better job of organizing my readings, and it takes averages. I haven't looked into it yet, but I can buy software to go with this meter that uses food logs, readings, etc. to track patterns. It sounds great, but may be costly. I haven't looked into it yet. And it comes in a handy little organizer, to make me feel cool I suppose.

So numbers, they've been creeping up since I started recording them on here. I have a doctor's appointment Wednesday morning, with my old doctor. I am still on a waiting list for a new and improved doctor. I suspect my old doctor will ask about my numbers, I will give her my theories, she will agree and add more medicine.

And this week, (drum roll), the numbers are
Fasting 124
After Breakfast 210, 89 (I was tired of all my usual breakfasts and experimented with cinnamon puffins--it didn't go so well. The 89 was two pieces of Ezekiel toast and two hard boiled eggs)
After lunch (this is a bear of a time for me to remember....I never do)
After dinner 206 (slow cooker chicken, salad, 1 1/2 small read potatoes, and 1 1/2 pumpkin corn muffins--I think I was within recommended carb limits, but these particular carbs are very starchy)

When I post these numbers, do you feel totally confused? Do they have any meaning for you? Or do you just say, "Yea, Laura posted."

Of Doctors, Meters and Numbers

I let the ball drop completely this week. I only did three readings and they are mostly bad. One is from lunch today. I did fine for lunch, but then I was still hungry and ate about twice as many saltines as I should have. You know. The crackers were still out. I pass them every time I walk through the kitchen, and grab one. And I pass through the kitchen a lot. Those crackers have about zero nutrition and they release sugar to my blood about as quickly as candy. I already knew all this. I think I was just hoping.

Apparently I made a doctor appointment about six months ago. I don't know where I put the appointment, but I do know that in June of 2008 I didn't have a 2009 calendar and I so I got a nasty note from my doctor's office threatening to drop me if I miss two more appointments. At least I don't have to pay a fee but seriously don't most office call and remind you of my appointment? So I have no lab test results.

On the more exciting side well exciting to me, the company I buy my testing supplies from called and offered to send me a new meter. I had been wondering about my meter, it is six-year-olds and how can I know it still works right? So supposedly a new free meter is coming and supposedly my insurance will cover all the testing strips and lancets. Maybe you have no idea what I am taking about. Should I take a picture of my meter? Do you want more explanation?

So here are my three not-s0-great numbers for the week.
fasting 151 really high, why?
after lunch: 234...yikes, darn those saltines
after dinner 158 a good number really considering I ate pulled BBQ pork sandwiches and veggies. BBQ is full of sugar.

Numbers (again)

I went to the lab Friday morning and got all my blood and urine tests done. The doctor should call me sometime this week and will probably tell me to come in. I'm glad. I really want a health professional to look at my numbers and say something about them...observe patterns, interpret them. It's only been a few weeks, but testing feels so pointless with no one to help me change either the diet or the meds. That's always been my problem, I like to perform, to have deadlines and don't feel purposeful without someone to perform for.

Lessons learned this week: 1) Avoid pretzels 2) Use lots of thick hand lotion to avoid those winter cracks because winter cracks and pricks don't mix.3) I need to eat more vegetables.

Fasting 141
After breakfast 132 (Hot oat bran with blueberries appears to be the perfect breakfast food for me--5g of fiber per serving)
After lunch (skipped this week but did three post-dinners)
After dinner 109, 200, 197 (meal 1: chicken stir fry with quinoa; meal 2 cheeseburger on wheat bun with broccoli, but my blood sugar was high before dinner because I ate so many pretzels; meal 3:grilled cheese, tomato soup, carrots, pretzels)

I had some high post-dinner readings, but I wasn't exceeding the recommended 60g of carbs in a meal. I do need more fruits and veggies. So I want to know, how many servings of fruit and veggies do you actually eat in a day? And where do you stick them in. I know most of you don't have to be as careful as I do about what you eat, but for one reason or another most of you probably should. Back to the veggies, I seem to be stuck on broccoli and carrots. But what veggies do you eat? Do you vary them? How do you cook them? Or do you go raw? Remember peas and corn are more starches than vegetables, they don't count in my book. Inspire me. I'd love it.

Numbers

What a tough week to be diabetic. I go somewhere, or someone comes here, and there they are. The cookie plate. Cookies everywhere. If you are trying to diet, you know the issue. Yum, they look beautiful. And I had to make cookies this week for K. And I found that great recipe I wrote about yesterday. The dough and the cookies for K were delicious. I finally had to start chewing gum to keep from eating the dough. I tried to balance things out by eating mostly protein for meals so I could have a cookie here and there. I did ok. Except for Thursday. That was a bad day for sugar intake. So here's all the numbers. This week should be better...we don't have anywhere to go, which is good for blood sugar, not so great on my spirit. I start to miss my family.

Fasting 140

Breakfast 130 (Special K protein plus with cow's milk and sugar-free hot chocolate)

Lunch 145 (Tilapia, broccoli, 1/2 grapefruit, cottage cheese and too many wheat thins)

Dinner 151 (white chili, green beans and carrots, a clementine and a pumpkin muffin)

When I get so many numbers this close together sometimes I wonder if the meter is stuck. Usually a high or low will follow soon though. When I go see the doctor I should bring in my meter so they can test its accuracy, just because it hasn't been done in two years.

Oh and Kris... I ignored your demands=). You have to call me, like you said you would, and then maybe I will listen to you...

Numbers

This week is a great example of why I need the accountability of my blogging friends. I put off all testing until yesterday and did it all in one day. And added one more fasting reading this morning. I wouldn't have done my testing at all if it wasn't for dear people who check in on Mondays. In fact, yesterday I didn't really like you. I wished I hasn't made this commitment. I know, it's good for me. And I really do like you.

There is something about winter, my blood is fickle. If the mention of blood makes you queasy, skip to the number. Sometimes when I prick my finger it comes out all watery, runny and hard to capture on that little stick. Other times, the pricker, which usually doesn't hurt much at all, will leave a poke that smarts for days. Or sometimes the little tiny prick won't stop bleeding and I won't notice and will get blood on some important paper. And then two times yesterday for some reason I couldn't get a reading so I had to do to two pokes for one reading. Poor me! I sound like my whiny children. Sorry.

Hadley was down with a fever yesterday as I took all these readings. It ended up being a high carb day as I was a cleaning fool and went with the quick food and the leftovers. The living room is rearranged and all the bathrooms are clean. Plus, my poor decision to allow the kids to have fun in the packing peanuts the day before required multiple rounds of vacuuming. And I am still finding little pieces of styrofoam here and there. I should have taken a picture though because those little styrofoam peanuts static cling to all parts of a child's body--we even vacuumed their hair!

Here are my numbers
Fasting 162 yesterday, 116 (today)---I can't explain the 116...it's great but very inconsistent with my other fastings--what was different?
Post-breakfast 115 (hot oat bran with Splenda, milk, walnuts, and blueberries)
Post-lunch 164 (6 pizza rolls, cottage cheese)
Post-dinner 158 (salad with cucumber, lettuce and Italian dressing, homemade mac and cheese with brown rice noodles)