Diabetes update

I haven't started my insulin yet. The wheels of medicine grind slowly around here. I do have appointments with the diabetes educator and the nutritionist, but not until late next week. I've been through much of this before and am anxious for the reminders and to see how the education compares. And I have a bunch of questions. For now, I am still ordering and paying for oral medications, calling my doctor regularly because my numbers are too high and waiting. I feel calmer this week--more able to handle the uncertain numbers and resigned that even with insulin I think my medication needs will constantly change until my pancreas ceases to produce any insulin.

For a while, with each new medicine or increase, I had hoped to find a stable ground. I wanted to be able to say, Yes with these meds, I can eat oatmeal and strawberries for breakfast, a bean burrito for lunch, and half a baked potato with grilled chicken, veggies, and a muffin for dinner and know with certainty that my numbers would be ok. Right now I know such things for maybe two weeks, and then my body changes and everything I know has to be adjusted. But certainty is a luxury. And I think my burdensome sadness last week came from the insulin. Going on insulin was an admission that the meds weren't working, weren't providing a sustainable way of life. And I like our children with their friends, I wanted to be like other diabetics I know, who do have consistency. But consistency doesn't build faith. Time to keep building. Thanks for everyone's sweet words.