Diabetes Update

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. If I stop, when a room is quiet, that's what I hear. In my head, this sound has eclipsed diabetes on the worry scale. Every waking moment of the day---EEEEEEEEE. If I don't think about it, it's tolerable. Problem is, I told my doctor, who sent me to the ENT, who tested my hearing. He told me what I already knew. Tinnitus. They don't know what causes the ringing because it comes from a part of the ear so deep in my head that they can't get it to safely. There is no remedy and no apparent cause. And as long as it is steady and in both ears, which it is, there nothing to worry about as long as I can stay sane.

For me, it's caused some significant hearing lose. I notice it whenever there the room is full of people or whenever the girls try talking to me from the back of the car. I say,"What?" all the time. And it didn't bother me so much until I saw the ENT. Now I think about it too much. Thirty-three is young for hearing loss. What if it gets worse? Another test. Another chance to say, "Lord I will trust you through this, no matter what." I might add, "Please don't let me go crazy."

But you, my dear friends, have walked this path with me for over six months, so you deserve a diabetes update. Insulin is good. My blood sugars are around 80 first thing in the morning and haven't seen a number over 165 since I started the shots. I don't mind the shot, though I wonder at what point the mental game right before the needle goes in will end. There's always a pause, a moment where I think, ouch, this is crazy. Truthfully it doesn't even hurt--a paradigm that needs changing is all. Those needles are sooo tiny. A good prick with a sewing needle is far more painful.

My numbers are good. My emotions are steady. My eating is ok. It is a lot of work to count carbs : 45g of carbs for breakfast and lunch, 60 g for dinner, 15-30 g for snacks. What kind of carb is it? Because 15 g of juice carb is much riskier than 15 g of orange carb. I eat at too many potlucks, Bible studies, and picnics. It's a guessing game and I'm doing ok--not great. Diabetes might be the one disease where processed food with nutrition labels is a awesome. I should be more careful, plan ahead a bit more. And test more diligently. Always room for improvement.

But I can't wait for my next round of lab tests in August. Now this weekend, I'm off to Colorado for a wedding. My first trip through airport security with needles. Can't wait.

The Sound of Silence.

Tinnitus. Say it. It's fun to say. Not so so great to have. It's the word for the ringing in your ears you might get on occassion. after a loud noise occurs to close to your ears.

I woke up one day this winter and there was an alarm clock ringing about 3am. I was disoriented and confused (because the alarm clock was in my dream too) and the alarm clock wasn't going off nor did it exsist. It was tinnitus. The sound was so loud and disturbing that I couldn't sleep, couldn't think, and felt panic brewing. I woke T up. He didn't know what to do either. I finally went downstairs to consult my favorite on-call MD, the Internet. That's when I learned the word tinnitus. They don't know what causes it or how to cure it. It can be associated with everything from allergies to headaches and from diabetes to brain anyerisms. Not so helpful. I went back upstairs, the ringing was quieter and I fell asleep.

My doctor didn't think the tinnitus was caused by my diabetes since my blood sugar numbers are not that high. She thought it was allergies, since I had a lot of sinus congestion. It did go away for awhile,but it's back and getting louder. I used to love the rare silent moment when both girls were asleep, not so much now. I'd rather have backround noise now so I can't hear the internal alarm. Sometimes I forget about it, but like right now when I am writing about it, it is really loud. And sometimes it gets so loud I wonder if a constant ringing sound is a kind of torture people have used. If and when it goes away again, I hope I remember to relish the silence. Last time it went away, I forgot. It's like not appreciating oxygen until you can't breath.