From My Oldest

We had movie night on Sunday. T was out of town. We ate our dinner in front the TV, munched popcorn, and then snuggled on the couch while watching a family friendly movie called The Impossible Elephant. It was a great movie--kept me interested and made the girls laugh. I am so glad K will watch non-cartoons now. Because one of the scenes in the movie involved bringing pets to school for show and tell, H started explaining that you can't really bring pets in for show and tell because someone might have allergies. She added, "I think allergies to bunnies are extinct so maybe you could bring in a bunny." Oh how I wanted to laugh at her serious comment. Allergies seem to be a defining trait in my life (I suffered from environmental allergies as a kid and got weekly shots). Though I have corrected them many times, both girls continue to understand that my diabetes means I am allergic to sugar. Maybe I would eat better if I had a physical allergic reaction like a rash. I LOVE the idea of extinct allergies.

Title Change

I have a little meter on this site that tells me limited info about my readers. It tells what area of the country a reader lives, how many readers there are, and if there was a referring site that letdsomeone to my blog. Most of the referrals come from friends who have my blog listed on their blogs. But sometimes the referral comes from someone googling a certain phrase and then following the search engine to my blog. I could prevent this kind of searching, but I don't mind.


A while back I posted an old photo of my grandma in her twenties. I titled it sexy lady. If you follow the link you will notice that I have changed the title. Why? Because this week, thanks to my site meter, I noticed someone had googled the phrase sexy lady and it led them to my blog. I decided I didn't want that happening again. So I changed the title. I imagine my grandma's picture wasn't what the searcher was expecting!

How Much?

Before I get to the point of this post, let me just share that K had her first goal today.

Obviously, if you read this blog you know we are immersed in soccer. Both girls play, T coaches them both. And we are busy. So busy. For the past six years, I have watched other people be busy knowing that someday I would look back fondly on those leisurely days. Sure, having little kids can be tough. But we rarely had to be anywhere. Our schedules were quite open, especially since those six years included two cross country moves. And when you move, it takes awhile to get invitations to do anything.

I've been alarmed the last week at how busy we are. It's exhausting. I worry that if soccer is this busy now, what will it be like in a few years when the competition is fiercer and more cut throat. And I wonder how much activity is too much for a family? Obviously the answer varies based on money, number of children, hours of working parents, etc. I've met parents of multiple kids who think that children should engage in all their activities at home. They say there isn't enough time in a day to cart four different kids in different directions. I've met families of multiple kids where only one kid can have a sport or activity and then the next season a different kid gets a sport or activity. I've met families with two kids and both kids do three sports each.

There are so many great options out there: soccer, skating, gymnastics, dance, tae kwon do, art classes, Spanish classes, Chinese school, tennis, music lessons, choirs, bowling, acting classes, inventing classes, Bible classes, live like Laura Ingalls Wilder classes, and on and on and on. And at four and six, the girls don't really know what they are interested in nor can they read the choices so I get to pick. Do I pick what I love? Do I try and discover their strengths? (I've always thought K should take music lesson because from the beginning she has been much more responsive to music, noticing instantly how different music changes the mood whereas H as a toddler, danced the same dance, regardless of the type of music).

My initial philosophy for activity has been 1) Set a budget. 2) Once old enough and if the budget allows, each girls can choose one activity at any given time. 3) We try to discourage unnecessary changing of activities to teach commitment and to encourage them to actually get good at one sport or activity. I still like this initial philosophy but I do wonder. How important is all this activity? Do kids really need to be exposed to so much? Or if K never takes music will she be missing some great talent she could have had? I wish I wasn't the first of most of my friends to have kids so I could pick some brains. My major concern is that in participating in busyness, not only do we suddenly have to schedule time to connect but we aren't available to help people, to love them through times of need. It becomes harder for people to just drop by or to call with a need. And I really want to be able to love and serve people and teach my kids to do the same. It's time to start praying. Maybe He will speak through one of you. Any thoughts?

For the noble reason of "every body's doing it" I joined Facebook last week. It is a somewhat addicting social network on the Internet. You create a profile, and invite friend to join, then you can see what they are doing, new pictures they post, and whatever other random things they want you to know. I can see how Facebook is helpful. But it feels like a contest to see who can can get the most friends. And sometimes, someone from long past will request to be my friend. I get excited to reconnect and then their profile basically tells me nothing. And they don't respond to my little messages. Just another friend in their count. Rrrr. So how do you use Facebook (or MySpace for that matter)? Or, why do you like it?

And we still don't have a cell phone. Which we don't mind. People seem to have forgotten that they used to drive all over the country without phones. And they didn't panic about it. Again I can see how cell phones are useful, but they make me sad. I get sad at the airport when I sit down in the terminal. It is generally instantly clear that no conversations will happen because those who like conversations are on their phones and those who don't are reading , sleeping, or listening to their ipod. In the line waiting to pick up kids from school, multiple people are on the phone, again not talking or forging connections with other parents. Why does it feel like people don't want to meet others? I think everyone has their own cell phone horror story of an inappropriate time a person used a cell phone.

Maybe I am old fashioned. Or maybe as a stay at home mom, I am conversation deprived. But I wish for front porches with rockers. We don't have a front porch but we regularly sit in the front yard while the girls ride bikes. Guess what happens? The neighbors come out and talk to us! It's wonderful. I wish Sundays were still days for church, visiting friends, big dinners with guests. I know that as the kids get older I will probably be getting cell phones, adding computers or tv/computers, and joining who knows what social networks on the Internet to keep track of my kids. For now, I will try to save money for the front porch and relish these days were the girls mostly talk to each other and to us. Anyone want to come visiting on Sunday? I'll invite you in and serve you some yummy gluten-free cinnamon bread and a cup of tea! Or we can sit in the front yard and watch the kids play while having a long conversation maybe even meeting a few neighbors. Lovely.

Soccer Tournament

Coach T with his U8 soccer team.

H and T smile big.
We opted to save money and skipped the professional pictures this year, but H is really goofy for me and won't cooperate. She loves to stick out her tongue!

K is much more cooperative for pictures. She had a game this weekend too. I meant to post these pictures at the end of the entry, but technology confused me again so here's the story of what I learned this soccer weekend.

At the top of my lungs, I screamed,"GOHGOHSTAYWITHITGOOOOO!"
Oblivious to all around me, many of whom were also yelling for H to score, I was engaged in cheering mind, body, and spirit (she didn't score). I've read for years about the crazy parents of kids in sports. I couldn't relate to them. I didn't grow up playing sports. I attended basketball and football games in high school, more as social events than as a sports fan. And my dad certainly wasn't a die hard sports fan; he let out the occasional whoop on the rare year when his alma mater Iowa State was actually doing well (sorry dad). I was quite sure those crazy competitive parents needed to straighten their priorities.

I had no idea this visceral competitive nature existed in me. I always feel nervous and uncertain in competition, even in friendly card games. Who knew that watching my girls play soccer would put me just a few categories away from those crazy parents who get kicked out their children's sporting events?

This weekend, I sat on the sidelines as H's team played a tournament. Her team is good, and H is quite far from the best player on it. But sometimes she gets that ball and dribbles down the field. I screamed and cheered for every player on that team, questioned the referee and occasionally wanted to tell the coach (my dear husband) to rearrange positions. Mind you, I know nothing about soccer except what I have learned from watching my daughter play, but in the heat of the game, I have opinions along with the experts. After five games and a disappointing loss in the championship round (0-0 until the last minute of the game), I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I couldn't believe I had done nothing all weekend but hang out at the soccer field and cheer. And I was so disappointed we lost. T was coaching, H was playing and for once in my life, I wasn't rooting for the underdogs, I wanted my own to win. I finally understood why T says the silver medal is a usually a disappointment.

So I get it now. I get the instincts, though not the actions, of those crazy parents a little bit. All the parents around me screamed loudly and cheered fiercely, but no one was rude or out of line. It was good, fun competition. I just didn't know I would like it so much. Oh, and you know the feeling of pride and joy you get when you watch your kids do something they are really good at, I get that feeling watching T coach. Good job honey.

Young Love

Jack, the cute fourth grader two houses to the north, mostly avoids H. She is partly to blame since last year while car pooling she would regularly spout I love you to Jack, sometimes within ear shot of his friends. Suddenly this summer, H said Jack was mean and she didn't want to be around him. Jack's mom learned of H's dislike and asked him about it.
"Oh, that's because I am mean to her."
All is fair in love and war?
Jack probably couldn't find his friends last night because he was actually playing with my girls. Mostly they chased each other, teased each other and "fought" each other. I heard a lot of giggling. When I told H to come in, she was chasing Jack down the sidewalk yelling,
"I love you Jack."
"No you don't," he yelled back.
"I love you Jack."
"No you don't"
Oh my.

Brilliant Parent Moments

So often in my journey as a mother, I feel uncertain, inadequate, and unprepared. Just when I think I know what to do, my kids change and the rules I thought I knew change. to redirect my thinking, I spent some time thinking about my great parenting moments. You know those moments, when the perfect idea pops into your head and it works! The ones were the results are instant and it's easy to remember that you can be effective. The idea may never work again or it may only work for one kid, or maybe it is a permanent treasure you can keep reusing. In any case, I am grateful God gives us such moments, but I need to work on remembering more. Here are a few of our instantly gratifying moments.

When H was two or three, I told her that if her shoes looked like bunny ears, they were on the wrong feet. She never mixed them up again!

The phrase, "You don't have to like it, you just have to eat it" has served me very well. An unanticipated result is that they often say sweetly, "Mom, I don't really like this, but I am still going to eat it." Yes! Now we are working on not expressing all dislikes when we visit other people.

I couldn't interest K in potty training, but then we found the library book The Princess and the Potty. T piggybacked on that and promised a princess dress if she used the potty for a month. It worked instantly. We are not above bribery.

I am sure there are more. Keep watching this post maybe I'll think of them. In the meantime, what about you? What are your instantly brilliant parenting moments?

Feelings from the Heart?

As I was writing the last post, I began to wonder why we proclaim emotions as coming from the heart. My heart never breaks, twitters with butterflies, or even feels like bursting. My stomach houses most of my emotions and a few of them get expressed in my lungs, where I hold my breath or take it in. It's hard to feel sentimental over a valentine in the shape of a stomach, but if you ever get one, you'll know who it is from!

The Stomach Flu Please!

K padded into my room in the middle of last night. She shook me gently and whispered, "Mommy, I threw up." Wow. H would be screaming and crying. I went into her room to inspect the damage. It was bad. I changed K's nightgown, made her drink some water, checked her hair and sent her into my bed $to sleep until I was done. My stomach was churning and I wanted to cry. I could handle cleaning up the mess, though I don't enjoy it. But last night, for the first time in a year and half we had an egg-bake for dinner--a dairy-free egg bake, but it was still eggs and it was yummy. Everyone ate it. Was K sick or having a reaction to the eggs? The other eggs she had tried went down without a hitch. What to do? What to think?

I hadn't admitted to myself how much hope those eggs held for me. I imagined going out to eat for breakfast and not having to bring food for K. And beyond that, dreams of eating what everyone else eats maybe even, dare I write it, gluten. It's getting harder to stick to the diet. I hold my breath when the soccer girls pass out treats after a game hoping K can consume some part of it. And soon the other preschool kids will bring yummy birthday treats, but K will have her own. Really, it isn't a big deal. My emotions just don't remember that it's only food. A small price to pay for health. But some days it wears me out. Food exhausts me. How many carbs have I consumed and are they complex? Can K eat that? Does this meal fit T's diet? After feeding everyone else, some days I can't think about what I should feed myself so I grab some random snack item with too much sugar and participate in what my grandma calls self sabotage. Introducing eggs and having success brought hope into the food maze of my world.

I took K's temperature this morning--99.1 A sort-of temperature. And this afternoon I felt queasy for a brief time. Maybe this is just a stomach bug. It will take a few more eggs to find out for certain. Today is the first time I have hoped one of my children had the stomach flu!

God did encourage me yesterday about food (maybe in preparation for last night?). I met a woman at a playgroup who is probably a Celiac herself, still undiagnosed, and whose children have dairy and wheat allergies. I was able to sympathize, listen and offer some food suggestions. I do believe God will use the trials in our lives so we can bless and encourage others. And that encourages me.

You know you are a soccer mom when..

...when you spend almost three hours of your Saturday under an umbrella in the pouring rain, watching both of your girls play soccer. We had a break between games to go home, dry off and go at it again. It stopped raining while we were home so I packed my camera the second time, only to sit in an even harder down pour. Praise God the temperatures were in the 60s and not lower! Tom is coaching both girls' teams so it is a busy fall. Games and practices all the time. I suddenly understand the family dinner crisis, as in it is hard to have dinner together. What I do love about soccer right now is that we are all "playing" in some way. We do every practice, every game, together. I love that. Like I said, I didn't take pictures of H's game but here are a few to capture our morning from K's game. Why is this text underlined and why can't I shut it off? This picture is before the game started, not totally soaked yet.
There were lots of parents with opinions about whether the game should go on.
H is still sticking out her tongue for 50% of pictures.
Water break!

Calendar chaos

I got an invitation today to a training even by the Literacy Council of Saginaw. I tutor for them and wanted to go. It was supposed to be at 7 pm on Tuesday, September 30. My calendar said the 30th was on Wednesday. I called the woman in charge. Her calendar said the 30th was on a Tuesday. What the heck? In a panic (was I totally confused?), I checked and I was definitely looking at September 2008. "The event is in September, right?" It was. "What date does your calendar say for today?" I asked. OK, so both calendars said the 12th for today. What on earth was going on? Thoroughly confused, I began checking the numbers on the calendar. There were two 27s. No joke. Time to get a new calendar. (And by the way, it was the MOPS calendar they gave out last year...their proofreaders made a major goof. I should offer my services--right Lisa?).

Low production morning

I was on schedule this morning. H was a few minutes early to the bus stop. I actually ate breakfast, got dressed, made K's lunch, got K dressed and ready, and packed a snack for Kassy all between 8 and 8:50 am. I didn't need to leave until 9. It was supposed to be Bible Study morning. I loaded my Bible and study guide, K's school stuff, and fresh green tea in the car. Went back in the house to get K, helped K get secure in her car seat, but then I couldn't find my keys. They were inside the house. I knew the front door was locked, but lots of times when I "lock" the back door I don't push hard enough and it doesn't actually lock. I was hopeful. Nope the house was sealed up. No one was home. My neighbor was home, but her car was in the shop. What to do? T took the bike to school so I couldn't call him and ask him to come home even if he had a break in his day. Cody was teaching and then had cross country practice. Why did I do this today? Why haven't we hidden a key outside yet? So Bible study was out, we could walk to preschool if necessary. But how would I get H? I could call and she could take the bus. But what on earth would I do all day? K and I hung out with our carless neighbor for a while. I eventually left K with another neighbor on a different street who has a little girl and took her car to the school where Cody was teaching and got the house key (after passing through the metal detectors). Whew! Truthfully, it was all kind of fun, like a mini mystery to solve. I like a morning of not being able to do anything, except cleaning out of my purse to make sure the keys weren't in it!

Preschool begins

Here's my darling on the first day of preschool. She loved it. Her proudest moment was remembering to eat the applesauce and the sandwich in her lunchbox before eating the chips! Healthy food first is a rule at home, but I hadn't mentioned it about the lunchbox. She was proud she remembered. She also told me about the boys who wouldn't follow directions. Of course, she followed them! (Sometimes we change the rule to dessert first, for a treat!)I think she even spoke a couple of times during the day!

Feeling

H's gone...in first grade until 3:15. K's gone...in preschool until 3:00. T is gone...working until 5ish. Cody is gone...don't know where. The dryer is tumbling. My ears are ringing. But mostly it is quiet. The sun is streaming through the big windows. Outside the trees are shaking softly from the wind. It is so quiet. I am alone. I have time to look around me and breath deeply, if only for this day. I am alone on the couch with my green tea, my body filled with emotions that won't come out because I don't know what I feel. Which feeling do I pull out and describe? Six and a half years of home with the kids and all the struggles and joys it brings. Six years of longing for more regular time alone. It's here. Now what? Don't misunderstand. I have a long list of things to do, goals to accomplish, things to learn. I am excited for this strange time all to myself but also anxious that it might get filled too quickly and taken away. For now I am sitting, weighed down by sadness, anticipation, love, hope, fear. All of these for my children, for me. It's time once again to redefine. I can't seem to move. I don't want to. I like just feeling. Tomorrow I'll tackle the lists.

Lesson from the freezer

Behold! The door of my basement freezer! I was adding flour from the coop order when God intervened. So here's whats in the door of my freezer: frozen blueberries; at least eight kinds of flour including quinoa, tapioca, almond, white rice, corn, brown rice; dairy and soy free chocolate chips, raspberry sorbet, gluten and dairy free chicken and turkey hot dogs, gluten and dairy free ground turkey, sweet potatoes fries, Ezekiel 4:9 bread (not gluten-free).

Big deal right? A little different from your freezer door probably, but why post it? Sometimes as a stay-at-home mom, I feel like my brain is atrophying. Not learning enough. I get bored with housework, cooking, and sometimes with childcare. I long to learn. I love learning. I could happily be a lifelong student. For this season of life though, staying home is right for me and I am privileged to be able to make such a choice. But I want the challenge of learning something and mastering it. Most of the time bathing kids, cleaning up messes, trying to keep things organizing are not the challenges I crave and the messes and the organizing are not the challenges I ever permanently conquer. Sometimes I whine to God about it ( so the verse I repeat to my children is in head after this confession..Do everything without complaining or arguing that you may become blameless and pure, children of God...except it's in a catchy song form from some CD that we have)


Back to the freezer door...God intervened in my chore. "Look" God whispered to me, "Look what you have learned about and researched. You know what each of these flours is for, how to use them. You know 30 times more about nutrition than you did three years ago. I know you never asked for food allergies, but you are welcome."* He knows our desires and provides what we need. He is personal and hears our cries, be they cries of pain or of boredom. Since that freezer moment I've thought of many things God has given me to learn since I quit working a salaried job. I thought I wasn't learning much, but I was wrong. I just wasn't learning in a school setting as I am used to. I am so blessed.

*So I didn't really hear a whisper but the quotations seemed the most effective way to communicate what God taught me. God spoke in that internal way where the message is just there--like it had been written on my heart at birth in preparation for this moment and I just now discovered it.

Heard Around Here

Here are a few things the girls have said (as close to word for word as my memory allows) in the past two days for your enjoyment:

H said,during her continuous car babbling, "I like the word meatballs. It is fun to say. It sounds like balls of meat."

K, in full ballet attire and twirling around the room, "Watch me dance momma. I'm really good."

H, explaining that first grade is better than Kindergarten because they do more math, "I like math. Math is really just solving a problem, like in a movie. You know if you have 100 and 1 then the problem can be solved by...... 101."

K asked her dad if he would practice soccer with her (she wants him to do this all the time). T told K to remind to him tomorrow. K replied, "Will you remind me when it is tomorrow? I don't really know when that is." She's right, tomorrow does confuse her because it never actually comes. She has asked me on two or three mornings if it is tomorrow, and of course it never truly is even though the day she was awaiting has arrived.

K and I were snuggling on the couch. K had her favorite stuffed gray kitty and a silly stuffed animal called Boo-Bah. K told me, "Gray kitty is very well behaved. She puts her clothes away without being told. She obeys all the way, right away, with a happy heart. But Boo-bah is naughty. She doesn't obey, but I still love her." Oh joy, yet another reminder...she is listening.

Egg-Free No More?

Following some advice from the ENT, we decided to reintroduce eggs into K's diet. We've had them about four times so far. Sometimes I wish her allergies were more severe with rashes or swelling. K's so finicky and so, well, so much of a little deceiver that it is hard to tell if the eggs bother her. The first three times we had scrambled eggs, K devoured them. The fourth time she said her stomach hurt and wouldn't eat them. K often claimes aches or illness when she doesn't want to eat, but sometimes she claims a hurt tummy in the middle of her favorite foods and won't eat them. For now, we will keep eating eggs and maybe in a month try adding soy too.
If you aren't familiar with K's food allergies, read the old post food.

Garden soup

I feel like pretending to be a food blogger again. I took the picture of the soup the last time I made it. Never mind that real food bloggers create their own recipes, I am pretending. I found this recipe in Diabetic Living magazine. It's full of garden veggies and to my delight, the girls and and Tom all ate this soup without a frown. It's easy to make gluten-free, just use Trinkyada shell noodles and a gluten-free brand of chicken broth, like Imagine. Also there are many subsititutes so you can avoid the vegetables your family refuses to even try. I was pleased with how my fam didn't even notice the spinach and K didn't recognize the green onions as real onions. I plan to go to the farmer's market next week and then make a double batch to freeze for later. I hope it freezes well.

Green Garden Minestrone, makes 8 1 cup servings

1 Tbsp olive oil

1 cup sliced celery

2/3 cup finely chopped leek

6 green onions

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

4 cups reduced sodium chicken broth or stock (does anyone know what the difference is?)

2 cups water

1 1/2 cups sliced fresh green beans and or fresh or frozen green peas

1/2 cup dried tiny shell pasta

1/4 tsp ground black pepper

1 pound asparagus spears, trimmed and thinly sliced or 8 ounces baby zucchini, sliced

6 cups fresh baby spinach or 1 1/2 cups finely shredded green cabbage

1/4 cup fresh basil

2 ounces thinly shaved Parmesan cheese (optional--we used the powdery stuff in a can since a block of Parmesan is not in our budget)

1. In a 4-quart Dutch oven, heat oil over medium heat. Add celery, leek, green onions, and garlic. Cook until crisp-tender, stirring occasionally.

2. Add broth, water, green beans, pasta, and pepper. Heat to boiling; reduce heat. Stir in the asparagus and spinach; simmer for 2 to 3 minutes more or until pasta and vegetables are tender. Stir in basil.

3. To serve, if desired, top individual servings with Parmesan cheese

Per serving: 85 cal, 2 g total fat, o chol, 321 mg sodium, 13 g carb, 3 g fiber.

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H insisted on taking all of her school supplies to the first day of first grade. With such a heavy backpack, she had trouble walking straight. On the drive to school she asked me if I was her best friend. I miss her already even though the sisterly bickering was driving me crazy. I try not to imagine someday dropping her off at college.

Her school is in a new building this year and I wouldn't say the district made it a smooth transition. I know the staff did their best with the time they were given. It was nice to think back to last year, where we knew only Anna and now this year we know at least one family in each grade and I have had play dates with several of the teachers and several of the parents. I knew lots of people to greet and hug. It felt good even though the building is new. H's teacher already knows her name, from the halls last year. Another new beginning.

Next week K starts preschool. T starts a new semester tomorrow. Both girls start a new soccer team tonight, with T as coach of both. I start a new season of mothering. I haven't been taking many pictures lately but we've enjoyed the last two weeks of summer: bike rides,2 Delta faculty picnics, playing with friends and relaxing. We need to reenter the busy school year so we can appreciate our next vacation. And have you noticed? There are red, dry, crunchy leaves gathering at our curbs. Fall is coming.

Lord, give our little ones the discernment to recognize the things and behaviors in their days that do not please you and the steadfastness and self control to resist them and follow your words we have carefully taught them.