Triumph (and numbers)

If left unchecked, my mind doesn't naturally flow toward worship, usually it flows toward self pity. I beat down my self pity this week and won though--thanks to some prayer and some reflection on traits I want my kids to have.

Two weeks ago at my MOPS group, they announced that instead of the usual breakfast fare, everyone would bring chocolate and we would indulge. My response to the announcement was not about the health of my friends, it was pity for myself. Did they forget I had diabetes? Why not just torture me? And on and on my brain raced. And then God stopped the rantings of my head. I don't want or expect people to change their habits for my health issues. I don't think everyone in my presence should give up the sweets they love to make me happy. And I want to be strong enough to go to a chocolate potluck and not feel bad about what I can't eat. Short of a miraculous healing, my diabetes is probably a lifelong disease. While food issues have made me acutely aware of the important role food plays in gatherings, I want to get over my pity parties and participate. The chocolate potluck was two weeks away; there was time.

I've been praying for months for more discipline and strength regarding my diabetes. Today was my first major victory. I remembered a chocolate cheesecake recipe in a diabetes recipe that I had wanted to make for my birthday last year. Time and self-pity kept me from making it. This week, I went to the store, ingredients for the cheesecake in hand. I bought all the ingredients, made the lovely cheesecake you see above and thoroughly enjoyed eating my 15g of carbs per slice cheesecake. Because I can safely eat 60g of carbs for breakfast, I picked a few other treats, guessing about their carb count and indulged, just like everyone else. I even packed a bag of almonds in my purse that I ate for the protein.

That pity party seems silly now. If I plan, I can enjoy some part of most meals. And the honest truth is that uncontrolled diabetes has serious consequences. It can even kill. And while I am young I might have a chance to alter the seriousness of this disease. While this disease is a big deal, I have some control over it. Thanks God, for the perspective and the victory. Forgive me for all the whining.

And dear Amanda, thank you for your reminder about Monday number posting. I am grateful you noticed. And without further ado, here are some numbers

2/7 before breakfast 121
2/8 before breakfast 132
2/9 before breakfast 118
2/9 after breakfast 150 (fig/flax waffles and half a grapefruit)
2/9 after lunch 114 (Amy's rice, bean, and cheese burrito--these are some of my favorite and I haven't ever checked after lunch to see how my body handles them....yea!)

There aren't many numbers to report as I ran out of test strips and had to wait for new ones...