China girls

Old Navy had a 75% off sale-- I found these dresses. The girls call them their China girl dresses. This day was from the warm spell we had in mid-January. The girls were elated to be able to go outside without coats, if only briefly.

Motherhood, part 1

Motherhood overwhelms me. I have received no training, except what I can remember from my own parents (which is almost nothing from these young ages and my mom can't remember either!). And I feel responsible for everything. I sometimes I imagine my young adult girls sitting in coffee shop analyzing me, my faults, my weaknesses. And then when they finally have their own kids they might analyze my strengths too. And every decision...do I scold them for this? Stop them from making this mistake (or not) ? Do I make them eat their food and risk causing eating issues letter or do I just let them starve (I won't make them special food)? How proper do they need to be? What do I need to be teaching? What are they learning at school that I need to unteach? Do I interrupt their fights or let me work it out? Can I tell off the kid who hurt Hadley's feelings? How do I help understand who God is? Do I make Kassy speak to strangers even though she is super shy? And on and on and on . I get overhwhelmed. I used to think that bad kids were always the result of bad parents. I don't anymore. We have been studying Samuel in Bible Study. He was a very Godly man, but his kids weren't. The Bible offers no explanation of why. I try to create explanations, like maybe he traveled too much ( he did go from city to city to judge, etc. ). The reality is God doesn't give a reason. Maybe it's because He wants me to trust him with my kids--like Hannah who left her young Samuel with Eli, even though he was clearly not a great parent. No matter what I do, they are both in His hands. I cannot control everything. I am not supposed to. Biblically, there is no place for fear in the life of a believer. I must trust. I need to do my best, forgive myself for faults and keep on keeping on. There is so much freedom and relief in letting the burden rest on the Lord. But still...this is the hardest job I will ever have and this job never ends.

Dr. Hadley

Hadley comes home from school the other day all excited. A theme this month is community helpers and the doctors who came to visit brought rubber gloves, masks and hair covers for all the kids. She couldn't wait to try them on because Hadley can't resist a chance to dress up. After getting all the garb on, Kassy bursts the new doctor's bubble by looking at her and saying "You look terrible." Hadley was livid, but Kassy was right, compared to her usual dress up apparel of princess dresses and dance costumes, the adult-sized sterile clothing looked terrible.

Boyfriend

Hadley recently informed that she had a boyfriend. She has made such declarations before, but they have always turned out to be boys that were friends. I knew she was growing in her wordly knowledge and suspected that she knew this word described more than just a friend. Further questioning revealed that this boy, named Zach, was not a friend like Jack down the street. 

"He' s like Jack, but he likes to hug more." !  She went on to say that her friend Lily was going to marry Luke, but then he made her mad and now she doesn't want to. Oh my!

Yesterday morning, I called Hadley to come eat breakfast. Now that she is in Kindergarten, she needs to stick a schedule as far as getting ready. She was playing with her Barbie laptop and said, " Wait mom, I need to get more smarts in me before school."

It is a day without anywhere to go and no car to go anyway. I am not fond of days alone with Kassy and the housework. I was vacuuming upstairs this morning and the belt on the vacuum broke, so I can't do that anymore either. I can't go to Sears to get a new belt because I don't have a car. Kassy doesn't want to get out her PJs to go for a walk or to visit a neighbor. I could make her, but I am not sure I want to go outside either. If I was Hadley I would tell me to stop complaining, there are too many good things in our life. Kassy is sitting here singing songs from a Barbie movie and building lego towers. I am ready for spring. Winter has been fun this year (having a garage helps a ton), but I am anxious for the moped to get fixed and then used and anxious to have a second car. I miss the freedom. Truthfully though, I always manage to find rides to all the things I want to do.

Day off

Today is my day off. They are few and far between. And I asked for this one. But Tom is a good dad. He can cook, clean and look after the kids without me. I look forward to these days , even dream about them when I don't have one in sight. The funniest thing is, I spend the day doing what I always do...thinking about my family and what they need. I think the difference is that when the girls crawled in bed with their hugs and kisses this morning (I was supposed to be sleeping late!), I could just lay there and love it. Nothing to do. What a luxury! The best part of days off is the new energy to do my job tomorrow.