The Sound of Silence.

Tinnitus. Say it. It's fun to say. Not so so great to have. It's the word for the ringing in your ears you might get on occassion. after a loud noise occurs to close to your ears.

I woke up one day this winter and there was an alarm clock ringing about 3am. I was disoriented and confused (because the alarm clock was in my dream too) and the alarm clock wasn't going off nor did it exsist. It was tinnitus. The sound was so loud and disturbing that I couldn't sleep, couldn't think, and felt panic brewing. I woke T up. He didn't know what to do either. I finally went downstairs to consult my favorite on-call MD, the Internet. That's when I learned the word tinnitus. They don't know what causes it or how to cure it. It can be associated with everything from allergies to headaches and from diabetes to brain anyerisms. Not so helpful. I went back upstairs, the ringing was quieter and I fell asleep.

My doctor didn't think the tinnitus was caused by my diabetes since my blood sugar numbers are not that high. She thought it was allergies, since I had a lot of sinus congestion. It did go away for awhile,but it's back and getting louder. I used to love the rare silent moment when both girls were asleep, not so much now. I'd rather have backround noise now so I can't hear the internal alarm. Sometimes I forget about it, but like right now when I am writing about it, it is really loud. And sometimes it gets so loud I wonder if a constant ringing sound is a kind of torture people have used. If and when it goes away again, I hope I remember to relish the silence. Last time it went away, I forgot. It's like not appreciating oxygen until you can't breath.