Progress?

T is competitive. That statement is so plain and simple. Those who know T are probably laughing, because while the statement is true, it feels restrained. But he is growing.

When we were dating, I was visiting his family home for Christmas. T and I were playing a card game called Mil Bornes. There isn't much strategy involved, mostly luck. But I cleaned his clock, twice. He stormed out the room without a word. I had never seen an adult display such behavior. I play to have fun. T thinks games are boring if you don't win.

On our honeymoon, which was a cruise ship, we would play ping pong and whenever I was ahead, he would use psychological tactics to break my concentration and I would lose. Every time. As an only child who never had any athletic or musical talent, competition wasn't part of my life. He made me angry.

So as a general rule, I found it healthiest if T and I didn't play games together. At least not just the two of us. If we found ourselves in a social setting that required game playing. I did my best to be on the other team so I could avoid the looks and the comments that said, "You did what?" Regardless of the game or the sport, T's team usually won. He just has that killer instinct.

Thus went the first 10 years of our marriage. And now there is this year. T still wins most things. But there are changes. We have found a few games like Tri-Bond (thanks Amanda) where we actually like being on the same team. T has toned down his competitive language around me. And he let's the girls "beat" at foosball often. We all know that he let's the losing occur, that the score would be 10-0 if T wanted, but he uses his almost daily game with the girls to develop his foosball finesse. I am certain he would have been unable to let the girls win just three years ago.

I've changed too. I didn't have a competitive bone in my body until I married T. Now the only person I really want to beat is T. And it happens about once in a while, more frequently lately! I beat him twice at pool over Thanksgiving. And today all four of us went bowling, T was snidely saying things like, "That's what I like to see" when I would throw a gutter ball or knock down only three pins. It was odd behavior, given that Tom is usually so far ahead of me in bowling that he only watches my score to see if H will beat me. But I looked up in the eighth frame and I was winning. I could easily win. I was going to win. But I didn't. I needed to knock down more than four pins in the final frame and I choked. We tied (for the record, it was like my third highest score ever). These days, I've found my competitive spirit--to beat Tom---at anything. And it's fun.