When K started playing soccer, I was struck by discrepancies in parents' language. Four-year-olds have been told most of their life---share, don't grab, don't be rough. Then we put them on the soccer field and start telling them to steal the ball, don't let that other girl get the ball, break through the mob(aka be rough). One girl on K's team last fall consistently cried early in the season because the other girls weren't sharing. Well honey, I'm afriad the rules change in a few select environments.
Soccer isn't the only place where our carefully taught lessons run amuck. I remember when H was toddling, she kept sharing her sippy cup with other kids. I wondered how confusing it was for her to have me praise toy sharing and yell "NO!" with sippy cup sharing.
And this morning H accused K of lying, K was playfully poking H when her back was turned and then denying the poke. H was mad because she knew K had poked her. I tried to explain that adults play this game, they will tickle a kid or hide a toy behind a back and claim to have no part in the event. Than they do it again when the child's not looking. It's more like playing a trick than lying I told H. Often, adults push these games just to the point of upsetting a kid. Why do we do this? I rethought my answer and my many admonitions to stop doing something if your sister doesn't like it, and the line or appropriateness is very faint, perhaps a bit mobile and so hard to explain.
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