Green disks and other parenting practices

This one is for Amanda, and I'm turning it into a tag because I learn so much when I find out how people raise their kids. This post is about chores, allowances, and attitude and how I deal with them for now--it's always evolving.

In October 2007 I went to my first Hearts at Home conference, a conference for moms. I was excited to go get "mom training." After all, I spent fours years in college for teaching, and I only did that for three years. The only mom training I'd been through was more labor training and infant care, than true mom training. I loved the conference. One of the workshops was called Winning the Chore War. The speaker wasn't helpful until the last five minutes. She had this chore chart which I fell in love with. It had pegs and pictures of chores and names and times and ways for dealing with attitude. I loved it. I could have made my own, but it wouldn't be as durable and I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't do it anyway. I spent $60 on that chart and the accessories and while I still cringe to type the figure, I would do it again. It's been worth it if only to have access to the chart and to make myself think through these things.

I am continually evolving how I use my chart, but the one constant has been the green disk system. Constant meaning I continually intend to use the green disk system; my actually consistency has room for improvement. The chore chart lists the daily and weekly chores: put your clothes away, put your school stuff away, put your toys away, set the table (3-4 times a week) or clear the table (3-4 times a week), put clean folded clothes away. New chores we just added: sweeping 3-4 times a week, making beds. My intention is to eventually work myself out of job. I probably won't ever make my girls do all the housework at once every often, but I want them to learn all the tasks so they can be independent and responsible. Once they actually get good at sweeping, I might start teaching them to clean the sink, etc. and take sweeping off the list for a while.

Chores at my house are a requirement, part of obedience, part of being a member of the family. They are not optional which is why allowance is not tied to chores. I don't want my girls to reach age 14 and get so much money from babysitting that they think they don't need their allowance so they stop doing chores. Allowance is also part of being in our family and a big part of how I teach my girls about money. They each have a large plastic bank with three compartments--one for giving, one for saving, and one for spending. Currently the girls each get half their age in allowance. I read once that kids should get their age in allowance, but that's too expensive for us right now. The girls have to save some and give some, though they get to choose where they give. The spending money is up to them though I've been giving H more forced choices lately. Like yesterday, a friend invited H to the gymnastics place for a open play time. The cost was $6.50 and I made H spend her own money if she wanted to go. I also made the girls spend their own money to buy each other gifts this year. And for gymnastics lessons, H wanted a new leotard. I told her I was paying for the lessons, she could buy the leotard. And she did. The only thing I haven't figured out is what they are saving for...college, the distant future,.....Tom and I need to work that detail out.

And the green disks? They are for attitude. At any given time, the girls have behavior goals: to stop whining so much, to react with respect when corrected, to answer adults when they ask a question, to complete chores with a happy heart. The goals are unique to the child and the time and I change them whenever it seems appropriate. If a goal is met, the girls get a little green disk to put by their name on the chore chart. Five green disks equals a privilege. We have a privilege jar, I usually find six choices that I can deal with at the time and let them pick which one they want. The privileges range from fun: private bike rides with dad, wrestle time, pillow fight (things we should do but often forget), extra stories at bed time, get out of chores for the day to treats: pick your favorite fruit at the store, pick your favorite cereal, get a pop, get a tattoo, paint your nails and toes with the special glittery nail polish, etc. The TV cart at Mejier used to be a favorite privilege when they were younger. You get the idea. Sometimes I add or subtract privileges to the jar, like when I found a backpack of Littlest Pet Shops at Aldi for cheap, I added Pick a Pet Shop to the privilege list. I also give green disks to reward kindness....helping when no one asks, sharing something that is hard to share, or having the idea to call a friend who was home sick. They are not allowed to ask for disks but sometimes, they perform for acts of kindness for them. I generally acknowledge the acts anyway, I want kindness and sharing to be a habit. (Lately, Hadley likes to make my bed..the first time I gave her a disk even though I knew why she made my bed. The second time, I told her she had to add one more helpful thing to the bed making...she put some of my dirty clothes down the laundry chute!). And I never take a disk away. This system is for rewarding things done well, and even if in five minutes H is rolling her eyes at me, her accomplishment still stands. Generally the green disk system is super flexible, reusable, and easy for me to manipulate as the girls grow and change.

So blogging friends, I tag you. What do you do about chores, allowances, and reinforcing good behavior? Stephanie? Tracie? Amber?