Christmas break survival

For my mom friends: I loved this post by Jill Savage on the Hearts at Home blog. It inspired me to make some Christmas break plans especially since we are not going anywhere and no family is coming up. Check it out. Oh and if you will be around, you are welcome to join us anytime!

Love

Our old computer just quit one day. No warning. It just wouldn't turn on. It wasn't a big deal because my grandma had given us her laptop and most of the time that's what we were using anyway. There is one document on there though that I want, am desperate about. I swear I saved it to a disk when we moved from Montana, but I can't find it. I thought I had emailed it to myself for safety, but I can't find it. I need a data retrieval expert.

This weekend, I moved the computer desk into the mud room in the back of the house. Our mud room is a large room, much too big for a mud room. But it's location, and the giant closet, make it a mud room no matter how we furnish it. It's a good room for a computer. A good room to write in. Big and sunny. Even though I liked working on the couch and even though it amused my friends that we stored the laptop under the couch, I like having the desk here. Flanked on either side of the computer are pictures of the girls- so even as they sleep and I blog in the quiet evening hours, I am reminded of my love for them.

And tonight I am overwhelmed. Maybe it is because I've spent three days at home with both girls, going no where, snuggling, wiping feverish brows, spooning up broths, and watching the normally wiggly little bodies, curled up on the couch, sleeping. When they wake up, rosy- cheeked, matted hair, tendrils of new curls around their face, they are the most beautiful children in the world. I am overwhelmed by the intensity of this love that exists for my children. They are so special and my heart aches when I realize that to most other people, they are just children. And forever I will desire for the world to see how special they are, to see what I see. I desire for them to see what I see, how every detail of who they are was known and created by God for a reason. I have never been so sure of God's hand in creation as I am in my children. How blessed I am to be their mother.

Sometimes, in these moments of overwhelming love, I wish I could capture them because I know my memory will fail, and not just of old age. Already the images, smells, developments of their infanthood exist mostly in what I have recorded in word or image. Those moments of life slip away from my memory like a freshly caught fish. I suppose if I could hang on to all of those memories, it might be too burdensome to move on, to follow Paul in " forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." Either I would wallow in the past difficulties or yearn for the past pleasantries. But God has given me some skill with words and for month after month for almost five years I captured the intricacies of their developing personalities in words-- Like my posts a few weeks ago about each girl. And currently those writings are lost in that old computer. Maybe I am not meant to have such treasures, but maybe their is a skilled computer dude who can rescue them. Do you know any?

The arrival

H woke up yesterday morning sick--fever of 101 and a little cough. She laid around most the day, took some ibuprofen about 1 and seemed fine for the rest of the day. then this morning the fever was back and she only got off the couch to go to the bathroom. She missed her Holiday concert (but she didn't want to go anyway--too nervous to sing in front of an audience---she didn't even have a solo--just serious stage freight). K got a fever some time this afternoon. Hers isn't as high and she isn't sleeping as much, just whimpering a lot. I'd prefer the fever to a degree higher so she would sleep more. Two down. Hopefully not two to go.

Numbers

This week is a great example of why I need the accountability of my blogging friends. I put off all testing until yesterday and did it all in one day. And added one more fasting reading this morning. I wouldn't have done my testing at all if it wasn't for dear people who check in on Mondays. In fact, yesterday I didn't really like you. I wished I hasn't made this commitment. I know, it's good for me. And I really do like you.

There is something about winter, my blood is fickle. If the mention of blood makes you queasy, skip to the number. Sometimes when I prick my finger it comes out all watery, runny and hard to capture on that little stick. Other times, the pricker, which usually doesn't hurt much at all, will leave a poke that smarts for days. Or sometimes the little tiny prick won't stop bleeding and I won't notice and will get blood on some important paper. And then two times yesterday for some reason I couldn't get a reading so I had to do to two pokes for one reading. Poor me! I sound like my whiny children. Sorry.

Hadley was down with a fever yesterday as I took all these readings. It ended up being a high carb day as I was a cleaning fool and went with the quick food and the leftovers. The living room is rearranged and all the bathrooms are clean. Plus, my poor decision to allow the kids to have fun in the packing peanuts the day before required multiple rounds of vacuuming. And I am still finding little pieces of styrofoam here and there. I should have taken a picture though because those little styrofoam peanuts static cling to all parts of a child's body--we even vacuumed their hair!

Here are my numbers
Fasting 162 yesterday, 116 (today)---I can't explain the 116...it's great but very inconsistent with my other fastings--what was different?
Post-breakfast 115 (hot oat bran with Splenda, milk, walnuts, and blueberries)
Post-lunch 164 (6 pizza rolls, cottage cheese)
Post-dinner 158 (salad with cucumber, lettuce and Italian dressing, homemade mac and cheese with brown rice noodles)

Christmas Tree

I have been tagger. For those who don't blog, the idea of a tag is get your blogging friends to answer certain questions to post certain kinds of pictures. This tag was for a picture of our Christmas tree. It's artificial and purchased last year from my neighbor who couldn't get rid of it at her summer garage sale! It's actually the perfect height and nice and narrow, great for our living room. I do love the smell of a real tree, but this one is kinder to our budget. Most of our ornaments are made by the girls and most of them are stars, since that is what shepherds and learned men followed to the baby Jesus. I do love my tree, but I don't get its connection to Christmas, just seems like a fun thing to do. Without further ado, here is my tree (revealing the fact that I still have no curtains in my living room), and two of the ornaments the girls made this year.

Nuances of Behavior

When K started playing soccer, I was struck by discrepancies in parents' language. Four-year-olds have been told most of their life---share, don't grab, don't be rough. Then we put them on the soccer field and start telling them to steal the ball, don't let that other girl get the ball, break through the mob(aka be rough). One girl on K's team last fall consistently cried early in the season because the other girls weren't sharing. Well honey, I'm afriad the rules change in a few select environments.

Soccer isn't the only place where our carefully taught lessons run amuck. I remember when H was toddling, she kept sharing her sippy cup with other kids. I wondered how confusing it was for her to have me praise toy sharing and yell "NO!" with sippy cup sharing.

And this morning H accused K of lying, K was playfully poking H when her back was turned and then denying the poke. H was mad because she knew K had poked her. I tried to explain that adults play this game, they will tickle a kid or hide a toy behind a back and claim to have no part in the event. Than they do it again when the child's not looking. It's more like playing a trick than lying I told H. Often, adults push these games just to the point of upsetting a kid. Why do we do this? I rethought my answer and my many admonitions to stop doing something if your sister doesn't like it, and the line or appropriateness is very faint, perhaps a bit mobile and so hard to explain.

Hand in Mouth

H is 6 1/2. She still puts things in her mouth constantly. Small plastic toys, nasty rubber bands, food that has been there for days, her fingers, her clothing and she would eat her hair if it was long enough. She picks her nose. She digs in her ear and today she confirmed my suspicion that she has been biting her fingernails. Way too many bad habits. I've explained the hygiene aspect of it. But she doesn't really care. I could punish the behavior which might get her so she only does it in private. But I don't love that idea. These habits are so gross and the longer they are done the harder they are to stop. Can I help her now? How do we stop these awful habits? Or do I have to wait until she wants to stop them? Any suggestions?

The Christmas Spirit

It's been many years since I have actually enjoyed Christmas. It bothers my conscience. I love the idea of Christmas, think the cookie baking and the present giving are fun. But I struggle because Christmas is about a small baby born in Bethlehem who forever changed the relationship we can have with God. Supposedly. So why do celebrate in such a way that encourages my children to be greedy? Why does almost everyone, regardless of their beliefs, celebrate Christmas in the same way in this country? So every year I struggle. How do I make this meaningful? Can I redeem the the value of this holiday or is it too entrenched in American lore and materialism?

I've read books like Lisa Whelchel's ADVENTure of Christmas which gives history of all the the little things we do and tries to bring meaning to them. Each year we package shoe boxes for kids in impoverished countries. We usually adopt a family or individual off the United Way list and bring them gifts. Still, in my heart, I doubt the once a year show of generosity or the lavish decorations pleases God at all. I suspect that the mad rush to the mall in the name of Christmas sickens Him since we claim it is done in His honor. Much Christmas giving is an excuse to acquire more stuff and to keep up with the neighbors.

Last week I finished Marjorie Holmes' book Two from Galilee. It's a fictional book first published more than 30 years ago about Mary and Joseph. Using historical research she tells the story of their lives, how they came together, their thoughts as each had a messenger from God appear and deliver the news of Jesus's coming. I don't always love these Biblical fiction books. I forge the Biblical account and the fictional account together, more in my thinking than in my action. The fiction forever shapes my ideas, though I will it not to. All the same, this book delivered peace to my Christmas-wary heart this season. I can't stop thinking about Mary, as a mother, the incredible scriptures about the messiah weighing in her heart and wondering how this precious, nursing baby could be destined for so much pain. About birthing a baby in a stable and then, days later having wise men come to worship the infant and then advise us to flee, from all that is familiar, to Egypt. I am able to relax, find awe in those once-dreaded-for-their-over-use carols, and worship. A calmness has replaced my usual Christmas tension. The way Christmas is celebrated hasn't changed, but somehow, incredibly, I have.

We try to decorate our tree with ornaments that relate to the Christmas story: stars, hearts (since Jesus was indication of God's love), angels, donkeys, etc. The girls were gleeful decorating this year, captivated by the sparkling lights and the shimmery glass angels (which they keep breaking because they won't stop fingering them). I had to remind myself as grabby fingers made chaos of my neatly organized Christmas box that the decorations are not for a magazine cover shoot, but for meaning. So if my organization is lost as the girls grab ornamnents and imagine angels blowing tumpets for the shepherds, so be it. So if that means foregoing the usual placement of the nativity scene on the mantle, for an awkward corner chosen by my young girls who are eagerly looking for the baby, so be it. This year, my greedy, object-loving H is beginning to demonstrate some of the Christmas war herself as she marvels at the baby and animal slaughter his birth stopped but still can't wait for the presents. I am thankful for the struggle.

May your Christmas activites remind you of the wonder.

Battle preparations?

It's coming. The cold/flu season. Many friends have already fought round one. Generally, my immediate family makes it into January without too many illnesses. And then January-April is one long list of illness, if not in my family, in the people around us. Lots of Kleenex, cold remedies and cancelled activities. I am thankful I live in a place where summer mostly wipes the germs away. When you have small kids, summer, with its minimal illness, is a lifeline. I'm watching the drug store sales, preparing for future battles. Maybe this year I can avoid any late night trips for the cough medication that isn't on sale. The superstitious side of me, whose existence I deny, wonders if actually writing this post is like inviting the germs to come invade.

Numbers

I shouldn't post on Mondays. I am too busy. I managed to get all my readings this week and an extra one too. Since my diagnosis, I tend to follow about a six-month pattern: add a medicine, numbers are close to target range, but never fully there. Then one day, or maybe one week, they shoot up again. And the medicine needs to be changed. I think I may have hit that point as my fasting has been hovering in the 120s for months now and suddenly went up. The fasting is the one reading that the food I consume should have no impact on. After all, if I haven't eaten, my blood sugar shouldn't be high, or so it seems. I will get my twice-a-year lab work done in about two weeks; Then I will probably have a doctor's appointment. And when I record my food below, know that I am always drinking water.
Fasting 142, 151 ( took two since the first was higher than expected)
After breakfast 85 (used to be breakfast was when my body could tolerate only a small amount of carbs, but looks like I need to up my carb intake at breakfast. That won't be hard. This breakfast was a bowl of Special K protein plus cereal. )
After lunch 123 (two turkey dogs, half an apple, carrots, and a wasa cracker with cream cheese)
After dinner 186 (chicken breast, 1/2 cup of rice, 1/2 pear, broccoli--I was disappointed in the high number here. I thought the menu was good...I need to stick to about 45 g of carbs per meal I guess.)

Customer Service

I am sitting on my couch in a giant patch of sunrise. It feels divine. =)

I like going to the little Ace Hardware a few blocks away. It is a small store, crammed with more than a hardware store is expected to carry. You walk in, usually a man greets you, you tell him what you want. He knows exactly where it is, how it works, the differences between the brands they carry, and if you might need anything else to make it work. He then asks you if you need anything else. If it heavy, and you are small like me, he'll carry it to the counter and then to my car. I feel like royalty, well-serviced and surrounded by experts.

I feel fortunate in most stores if a salesperson can be found. The Target here though has somehow upped my customer service expectations--at least when I go in the middle of a weekday. Most of the time, I see women in red all around. Many times, they ask me if I am finding everything. Nice.

Monday, I bought Hadley a new leotard at Target. More accurately, I bought it with her money. She was starting gymnastics Tuesday and the deal was, if I pay for the lesson, she had to buy the leotard. I found a cute leotard in her size for $17.99. She had $30 in allowance and early Christmas money. It was black, with pink velour cap sleeves and two hearts on the chest made out of jewels. Definitely worthy of Fancy Nancy and Hadley's Oh la las.

Monday night I couldn't find the leotard. So I returned to Target Tuesday hoping the forgotten bag would be at the costumer service counter. They didn't have it. And strangely I had the receipt (usually I keep them in the bag).
"Oh I must have put it on top of my car and drove away. It's not your fault." I told the worker who looked worried the bag had been misplaced. She hurried away to consult a higher up. Upon her return she said, "Go ahead and get another one and bring it up here."
I wonder if my jaw dropped open. My best guess is I put the first leotard on top of my car while buckling Kassy and then never grabbed it again. Target had no obligation to replace that leotard. What a great surprise.

Mr. Golden Sun

I am trying to complain less, to thank and praise God more. I am not succeeding. Hidden complaints invade my speech each hour I am realizing. And yet, when I consider my life and all that I have been given, praises should reign in my speech. All the same, if you live here and have seen our weather you will understand this silly song that I keep lifting up as a prayer (another veiled complaint right there). Maybe you will join me.
Mr. Sun, sun Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me. Lord, remove the clouds and send the sun.

Wisconsin Dells

Thanksgiving 2008. We left last Tuesday night and drove to Rockford to see my parents. We had a lovely meal Wednesday afternoon with enough food to feed 15 (there were 6 of us). I liked the pheasant the best. The girls had a blast running around the house. I relished hearing Kassy patter upstairs Wednesday morning at 6:15am to find Grandma and Grandpa's room so she could start jumping on the bed. I also got pleasure from teaching my girls to swat at Grandpa's newspaper while he was trying to read it.

We left Thursday about 11 to drive to Wisconisn Dells. We managed to surprise Grandpa Chris for his 60th birthday and the girls were bouncing with excitement when they saw their cousin, Eva. All 11 of us stayed in a lovely cabin at Wilderness Resort, with a full kitchen, two bathrooms, a grill, and a washer/dryer. The resort had three indoor water parks and a four-story play place for dry kids. All of these places proved to be a ton of fun. We were so proud of Kassy for overcoming her fears and going down the big tube slides with us. It was a true victory for our fearful little girl. I think Great Grandma even enjoyed watching the chaos. Pam (my mother-in-law) and Tricia (my sister-in-law) did a great job of bringing food, snacks and even Thanksgiving dinner. What a fun trip. The drive home, with the snow, proved to be exhausting. We love Wisconsin Dells though it was odd to see hotels, condos and fancy houses surrounding a giant, grassy, ditch which used to be Lake Delton. The lake drained late last spring during the floods when a strategic dam broke. Supposedly they will start filling the lake this spring, I wonder how long that will take? Here are a few of my favorite pics from the trip, with captions underneath.

Eva on a slide. My camera's delay is a bit too long to get a great picture on the slide, especially since I was a bit nervous having it near all those splashing people.

Hadley is all smiles as she comes down.

Kassy is nervous about all the turns and about not being in control. By the end of our stay, she was all smiles, though still cautious.

Grandma Pam giving a little lap time to all the grandkids.

Kassy only liked the tube in the wave pool if she could control it at the zero entry point. Take the tube into deeper water and she would have nothing to do with it.

Aunt Tricia and Uncle Kyle brought early Christmas gifts--the Pegasus from Barbie and the Diamond Castle. As Hadley likes to say, "OOH la la."

Tom teaching his mother knee strengthening exercises.

My mom and dad with the girls.

For a laugh

I will have the Thanksgiving post up tomorrow, until then....Few of my blog readers know that I am a parrot-nut. Looseyfur (a friend from high school) may be the only regular reader not in my immediate family who can attest to my adoration. Around a sweet parrot, I act like those crazy people who swoon over dogs or cats. I would own multiple parrots if I could justify the expenses. As it is, I just enjoy them at the pet store. Knowing my affection of cockatoos in particular, my dad sent me this video. It made me laugh out loud. Is this funny to other people, or just to bird lovers? And when I finished laughing, I started checking out this Bird Rescue League that writes the blog. It's in Indiana--not too far away. Maybe there is a way.....

Numbers

Amanda's already been on my case about these numbers even though it is still earlish on a Monday. So I didn't get all my readings again. But I was on vacation and zipping down water slides. It's so hard to keep track of time in those situations. Here's what I did get, even the really bad one that I want to hide from you. I added some notes, mostly for myself, of what I was eating. And I called Amanda's fabulous internal medicine doctor for an appointment. I am on the waiting list until February. Until that time I will keep my regular lab tests and appointment with my current mediocre doctor. My goal for next week is to post all four readings and to make an appointment with an eye doctor. (Diabetics should do this every year, it's been quite a bit longer for me.) It does feel good to be moving in the right direction finally. Thanks for helping me; I need the support.
(Reminder: target is 80-120mg/dL for fasting and under 160 mg/dL two hours after a meal)
So for the week beginning 11/ 24
Fasting 124
After breakfast--120 (Special K protein plus and a little Special K with fruit, cow's milk, water)
After lunch, never managed to take (two hours after lunch is tough for me. I get so busy and forget--I'll get them all this week)
After dinner 223 (oops..salad, three smaller pieces of pizza and half a rice crispy bar)

When I get more time I will post pictures and details of our Thanksgiving trip.