It's a personality thing

A couple months before K was born I started observing other moms with two or more kids who were shopping. How did they do it? My H was full of energy and had been moving all four limbs continuously since she came of the womb. Sleep was the only reprieve. Getting her to hold my hand in a parking lot was like forcing hot sauce on a toddler. I finally got her to hold my hand by explaining that if she didn't, cars might not see her and they would kill her if they hit her. Those were my exact words. They made her cry. I was desperate, and my desperate story worked, for six months or so. I kept observing those moms, because I knew that with two, I needed the secret if I didn't want to have crying at the store (from them or from me).

I would see some moms at the store with three kids, each demurely holding onto the shopping cart and walking next to their moms. Those same kids would stand still in the checkout line and not grab all those horrid candies evil store managers put there to annoy mothers into spending more. Sometimes those cherubs would actually help their mothers put the groceries on the belt. My grocery store trips were headache-inducing as I would quietly yell,"H, stop touching that." ; "Don't pick that up"; "No, you can't have that" "Sit down, it's dangerous to stand up in that cart" And the only fun thing about the checkout line was the compliments on the beautiful color of my H's hair. I felt like I did all the things right, but honestly, how would I know? I went over the rules before entering the store. I used the "safety belt" in the cart (which was effective for about 2 months), I brought drinks and snacks, I didn't give in to the incessant requests for items, I reinforced good behavior. But still, I suspect my eyes were popping with envy whenever I saw a mom with children calmly walking and holding onto the cart. To make myself feel better, I would say things like, "At least my kid is spunky, I bet those kids are boring."

What did those moms know that I didn't? How much more did they discipline their kids? I only personally knew one mom with easy-to-take shopping kids. I formed a theory, based on my research with my one dear friend. K was born, and grew into a toddler. She confirmed my theory. Personality is the key. Those moms with calm kids weren't super harsh disciplinarians, their kids just had calm personalities.

K prefers to hold my hand. She's afraid to leave my side at a store. She's afraid to speak to anyone. She isn't attracted to the trinkets in the checkout line, and she likes to help me put the groceries on the belt. She is four now and I confidently take her wherever I need to go. This week she stared timidly, afraid someone might speak to her, as I got my hair washed, cut and styled. Then this morning, she sat in a chair for 45 minutes while I got my teeth x-rayed, cleaned, and examined. I never worried about her. I knew she would behave. It was lovely.

So if I see you at the store and your kid is being crazy. Don't worry. I love the energy of those kids and my days of assuming the parent must not discipline effectively are long gone, I'll just smile and offer to help if I can.