Peace that passes understanding

I've been writing all day in my head, longing to sit down and process what is going on. With some embarrassment I admit that most days, I do something on the computer three or four times, and more often than not at least two of those have to do with my blog. This is the first moment in the last two days I have had to consider what to write. Now I don't know how to begin. Honestly, I don't have time now, T still needs me to set up his bed, get the throw up bucket, the wool blanket, the clock, the ibuprofen and the acetaminophen...back soon.

First, some background. At the end of the first semester in grad school, T got mono. The girls were one and three. Our two bedroom campus house had about seven hundred square feet. And for T, mono wasn't something where he just slept a lot. His throat hurt so much that it crusted over and started bleeding. The pain was so intense that he didn't sleep for three days and then started hallucinating. He would imagine the house was on fire and start screaming. We didn't really have any friends as the snow had just thawed for the first time since we had moved in. The whole thing took three weeks and if my father-in-law hadn't made the 15-hour-drive to help out, I might have lost my mind.

OK, fast forward to this past Sunday. The pastor of the little tiny church we attend was out of town Sunday ( I promise I will bring this all together.) Sooo, T did the preaching. He taught from Nehemiah, about how Satan attacks. He's a good teacher (I know you don't necessarily believe me since I am his wife, but it is true) and the sermon hit home for several people.

OK, move to Monday. T came home from work exhausted and fatigued (I know these words seem redundant, but there are nuanced differences.). That night he went to bed early and later called me from upstairs. He was shivering so violently he wanted another warm body in the bed! Tuesday, Tom was so sick and had such a high fever, he couldn't go teach. He went to the doctor. They did a rapid strep test. Negative. We thought the test was wrong, and he just wanted drugs so he could go back to work. Today, after pestering the doctor, he got a mono test and a second strep test. Several bouts of uncontrolled shivers leave him more exhausted. He can barely walk. He is frustrated and worried that his students won't learn what they need to learn if they have to have a different sub each day. H is super naughty today and gets punished big time. I have to go grocery shopping, get things for T from Delta, and darn it those kids still want to eat all the time. After too long a wait, and a lot of phone calls to the doctor, we finally find out T's mono test was positive (94% of the population who have mono once, never get it again, and usually when they do it doesn't have symptoms). Only the doctor isn't positive it is mono, he is worried it could be hepatitis. T and I think back to his previous mono experience and try not to panic.

Here's the verse that keeps running through my head. "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." I think I repeated this verse, or the parts I could remember, at least 10 times today. I am getting a better understanding of the peace Christ promised to leave to us. It doesn't mean we don't feel moments of panic, or that there aren't tears of frustration, but underlying it all, is a calm because I am not in control (sound like an oxymoron?). Part of my peace, comes from all the answered prayer I am seeing lately. Recently, God allowed me a huge victory over discontentment that has plagued me for years. In crying out to God tonight, we were joined by friends ( and being part of a new community is a great blessing). And I made it through the day, without snapping at anyone. Praise God.

A line from the day sticks out for me, shortly before our friends arrived to pray, T asked where the girls were. They were next door, where our friends moved in just today (Praise God!), playing a game called Zingo! T said, "I wish I could do that."I swallowed hard, gotta love a guy who longs to play with his girls. Also, given T's sermon topic, I have to wonder if there is spiritual warfare involved here. Pray for us. We head back to the doctor in the morning for more tests unless T is healed overnight. I'll keep writing, I'll probably need to.