Motherhood, part 1

Motherhood overwhelms me. I have received no training, except what I can remember from my own parents (which is almost nothing from these young ages and my mom can't remember either!). And I feel responsible for everything. I sometimes I imagine my young adult girls sitting in coffee shop analyzing me, my faults, my weaknesses. And then when they finally have their own kids they might analyze my strengths too. And every decision...do I scold them for this? Stop them from making this mistake (or not) ? Do I make them eat their food and risk causing eating issues letter or do I just let them starve (I won't make them special food)? How proper do they need to be? What do I need to be teaching? What are they learning at school that I need to unteach? Do I interrupt their fights or let me work it out? Can I tell off the kid who hurt Hadley's feelings? How do I help understand who God is? Do I make Kassy speak to strangers even though she is super shy? And on and on and on . I get overhwhelmed. I used to think that bad kids were always the result of bad parents. I don't anymore. We have been studying Samuel in Bible Study. He was a very Godly man, but his kids weren't. The Bible offers no explanation of why. I try to create explanations, like maybe he traveled too much ( he did go from city to city to judge, etc. ). The reality is God doesn't give a reason. Maybe it's because He wants me to trust him with my kids--like Hannah who left her young Samuel with Eli, even though he was clearly not a great parent. No matter what I do, they are both in His hands. I cannot control everything. I am not supposed to. Biblically, there is no place for fear in the life of a believer. I must trust. I need to do my best, forgive myself for faults and keep on keeping on. There is so much freedom and relief in letting the burden rest on the Lord. But still...this is the hardest job I will ever have and this job never ends.